Return to Nuke 'Em High Volume 1 Page #2

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Here comes the new girl.

Oh.

( GRUNTING )

Hey, new girl,

look at these titties.

They're bigger than yours.

You want to go

to the prom with me?

Where you going?

What's her deal?

I don't know, but she is hot.

She's a rich b*tch.

How the f*** would you know,

micro phallus?

( WESTLY OVER SPEAKERS )

Attention, students.

Please empty all items

into the plastic tray

before passing through

the metal detector.

We've gone three days

without a shooting.

Let's keep it up.

Come on.

She lives in Tromaville Heights.

My dad sold her family

their McMansion,

kind of like the one

you live in,

Marilyn McManson.

( SNAPS FINGERS )

You twat.

Thank God for Zoloft

and thrift stores.

Would you pull this, please?

( GRUNTING )

Please, please, please,

let go, let go, let go.

Come on, guys, let's go.

- Oh.

- ( ALARM PULSING )

( DEVICE BEEPING )

( WHIMPERS )

The pope retired.

( SCHOOL BELL RINGS )

F*** you.

- ( GRUNTS )

- Oh.

I am so sorry.

I really didn't...

A brownnosing little rich girl

late for intramural Ping-Pong?

Ping-Pong is on Wednesdays.

Today is Monday.

I am right about one thing,

though, Miley Cyrus:

You are a brownnosing

little rich girl.

Looks like Mommy and Daddy

won't be able to save you

from a beating this time.

You know what?

Some of us

actually have plans

for our future

that don't involve binge drinking,

trailer parks or food stamps.

- Ow! F***!

- ( BOYS LAUGHING )

I'm gonna get you, rich girl.

Ow.

( DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES )

LAUREN:

Kevin, I'm home!

( QUACKING )

I love you, Kevin.

I know you'll never leave me.

( MUSIC PLAYING )

( LAUREN QUACKS )

It's great being rich

and having a duck as a pet.

( INSECTS CHIRPING )

( QUACKING )

CHRISSY:

Okay, time to check my blog

and see how many eyes

I've opened up

with my investigation

of Tromorganic Farms.

OMG!

18 whole page views.

18 people have checked in.

What a month.

I'll need more bandwidth.

Here are some exclusive photos

from member

Deeper Throat.

Not only does Tromorganics

secretly mix in

what appears to be

sweetened wallpaper paste,

but the contaminated groundwater

is everywhere.

( YAWNING ) The contaminated...

contamination...

um...

Cyber malaise.

Tiredness.

Horniness.

Where is that one site

with that chick that looks like

Angelina Jolie in "Gia"?

Jackpot.

All aboard the skin boat

to tuna town.

- ( MOANING )

- Vagina, vagina

Vagina in the sky

Vagina, vagina

Vagina in the sky...

- ( MOANING LOUDER )

- Vagina

In the sky,

now every night...

Is everything okay in here, dear?

I heard crying.

Yeah, Aunt Bee.

I'm just feeling a little...

Sad about being an orphan?

Now that you mention it.

No, that's not it.

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