Return of the Secaucus Seven Page #2

Looser.

You mean, like, I should tell jokes?

No. Not jokes. Not your jokes.

Look, these are my best friends.

You get all kinds of points

just for being with me.

So relax with them, that's all.

Relax.

For 200 miles you've been hinting

how I should clean up my act...

...and now you tell

me I should just relax.

-There's nothing to be nervous about.

-I am nervous.

I hope we find a filling station soon.

What's wrong with the woods?

I'm allergic to pine needles.

Hey, I thought you made it

all the way to Eagle Scout.

You should have seen my skin.

I saw you came prepared.

The old plastic clam

in the overnight bag.

Yeah. I decided to get off the pill.

-What was it doing to you?

-Nothing to me.

Only, let's see, it

was an exam question.

Adverse reactions...

...thrombotic disorders, nausea, vomiting,

bloating, break-through bleeding...

...edema, malasma, suppressed

lactation, cholestatic jaundice...

...migraine, nervousness, fatigue,

loss of scalp hair, itching...

...hirsutism, changes in breast size,

appetite, libido, weight and sleeping habits...

...dizziness, backache

and mental depression.

Jesus. Well, mental depression

comes from reading the box.

So I decided to get a diaphragm.

Which you brought for the weekend.

Don't leave home without it.

Ron, you're a maniac.

-Hi.

-Hi.

You come up to see Mike and Katie?

Yeah, just for the weekend. What

you been doing with yourself?

The usual. Fixing cars.

Saturdays we go out to the

woods, watch the bark peel.

-How about you?

-I've been working for a senator.

-Like a secretary?

-No, like a speechwriter.

No sh*t, a speechwriter.

So you're gonna be around

here for a while, then.

I came up here with this guy.

-He a senator?

-No, he's not a senator.

I read about all that stuff.

Washington sex scandals,

right? Hey, what do you get?

Twenty, 30,000? Is he old?

If he's over 70, he probably doesn't have

any lead in his pencil. Makes it easier.

-Hi.

-Hi.

-I'm Chip Hollister.

-Pleased to meet you.

You're....

-Ron.

-Very good.

Last name is Desjardins, but I

gotta have another tit to fit it all.

You Irene's old man?

-She's a real sweet girl, let me tell you.

-Ron!

Hey, pump you some?

Gas. Pump gas.

We got your custom-blended,

unleaded, super premium--

No, no, I was just....

Making a deposit, not a withdrawal?

Hey, Irene, is that friend of yours....

-Frances?

-Yeah. Is she gonna be up there?

-Yeah, she'll be there, Ron.

-Far out.

Well, I guess I'll be

seeing you around, then.

Say hi to Mike and Katie.

Nice meeting you, senator.

If you're getting less than

30,000, he's robbing you.

Who's that?

-You got here so fast.

-We hit the beltway at 5:00 this morning.

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