Relative Evil Page #2

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real road gripper.

(Ernie)

Me and Dottie were talking

on the way over, Bull,

and, you know,

we just want you to know,

you know, everything

that you're doing for JJ--

this party, you know,

the punch--

you know, 'cause you get

a little gravy on your shirt,

you don't throw it away.

You send it to the professionals

to get cleaned.

Give it to the pros.

What do you want to bet

that sucker comes back

good as new?

Yes, sir.

Smelling like a rose.

Yep, it's funny.

I remembered the day the boy

cost me my job, you know,

at the post office.

Seeing him there

at 3:
00 in the morning.

Driving in my postal truck

up and down the street, yelling,

"The British are coming;

the British are coming."

Police lined up

behind him.

It was like the goddamn

fourth of July parade.

Nine years and a pension

right down the drain.

Now I work

at Carpet Warehouse,

and yeah,

I could be

mad about it,

but you know,

now I just think it's--

[high-pitched tone]

funny.

Yep, funny.

(Dr. Charlie)

I got you the schedule

for the local AA meeting.

It's twice a week.

It's the basement

of the Y.

It's with people

like yourself, JJ,

people who are trying

to reassert

their rightful,

sober place

in a world wrought

with temptation.

Now, you know you shared

a long winter together

with everyone

at the center,

but it's going

to feel like spring.

It feels like--

well, it feels

like rebirth.

(Dot)

I can only stand

around the kitchen

looking at photo albums

for so long--

Ernie.

Now, Dot!

No smoking

in my house.

JJ at Little League,

JJ on a pony,

JJ doing whippets

on his 10th birthday party.

(Bull)

Hey!

No smoking

in my house.

(Dot)

Okay.

Okay.

He was sick,

and now he's healing.

After the healing

comes repentance,

and after repentance,

maybe--

Aw, cut the sh*t, Ernie.

Bull,

you gotta know

when to fold 'em.

Ship's sinking

and the lifeboat's full.

Right now there's room for you,

there's room for Phyllis,

and there's room

for Benji.

No more.

It's about

responsibility.

Seems to me

you and Ernie managed

to climb your way

aboard my boat too.

(Dot)

Hey,

it's your boy

who cost my Ernie

his job.

Aw, Dot, let's not--

(Bull)

Been two years,

Uncle Ernie.

Two years you've been

sticking me,

but let me tell you

who else I got in my lifeboat.

I got Phyllis' own

Perry Mason in one pocket,

acting like he did me

some kind of favor

by getting the boy off

with juvenile detention

and a $15,000 fine.

I got the vice president

of Bloodsuckers,

Incorporated,

suing me

for everything short

of the drink he spilled

all over himself

during the collision.

And to top it off,

I get a bill

from the county charging me

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