Realite

---

Jacques, you are

my guest today.

Yes.

You are a school teacher,

you like nature

you are a keen talk-show viewer

and you collect Russian watches

from the 70's.

Yes, exactly.

You are 54 years old.

Yes, that is true.

- You are a widower.

- Yes.

Do you believe in God?

If you mean

an old guy with a beard

who lives in the clouds...

NO.

Okay.

What are your goals in life?

To be happy.

That's the main thing.

Also, I have a special project

that I'm quite keen on.

I would like to start

my own line of sports clothes.

Interesting.

Please tell us a little bit about

the dessert that you have chosen.

We are all very impatient and...

and very much listening.

Uh, yes, I have chosen

the Strawberry Charlotte.

And tell us in a few words why you have

chosen the Strawberry Charlotte.

Well, it is a very simple cake

and very easy to make.

- Um...

- What the f***?

And the ingredients

are... are very inexpensive

and they are not

so gross to touch.

- Very well.

- This is no good, cut.

Dennis, why do you keep

scratching yourself'?

It's getting worse and worse.

What, what?

You've been scratching yourself

like a dog

for the last three days,

what's up?

Oh, it's-it's nothing.

It's just a few rashes,

it'll go away.

- Rashes from what?

- Ugh!

You know, I thinks it's an eczema

breakout or something,

but it's actually kind of all over,

it's itching like hell.

But... but you can't see it

on camera, can you?

Oh, we can see it on camera,

it's gross.

How do you expect

to make people want to cook?

- You look like a leper!

- I don't know,

it's actually probably

the costume I think.

You know, Suzy changed the detergent

from what she normally uses so

I guess I have sensitive skin

and I've had a bit

of allergic reaction.

So, I don't know, that's all.

I have asked her to go back

to the old stuff and she said no.

There you go, I don't know,

I don't like to tell,

but that's what happened.

All right, listen,

we're gonna finish like this

for the rest of the day.

We don't really have

a choice, so just...

I mean, go see a specialist.

Don't stay like this.

Yeah, yeah, I promise,

I will do it.

- Well, okay, let's go.

- Okay.

Put your head back on.

Got it. Yeah. I'm ready.

You know I was thinking

of something.

What if I grab your arms

from behind

but really discreetly

as soon as I see you

starting to itch

and then maybe I can hold

them there and that'll help.

Yeah, yeah, Jacques.

You know, thanks a lot but, uh,

you just focus on

being a guest, all right?

I... this is complicated

enough as it is.

Okay, let's go again people

right away.

Denis, whenever you're ready.

Yeah, okay, I'm ready.

All right, let's...

Okay.

So, the Strawberry Charlotte...

What are those sticky things

in the tummy for, daddy?

Nothing at all.

That's why I'm takin' it all out, honey.

I already told you about this.

It's the same for all the animals.

The insides serve no purpose.

Yeah. Ah!

Reality!

Don't touch that,

it's disgusting.

Now go wash your hands

we're about to eat.

Okay.

You're a real pain.

I did not change detergents.

How many times

do I need to tell you?

You know I'm right.

Honey, don't think I'm an idiot.

It smells different.

I noticed the smell on the first day.

You're completely crazy,

you have a real problem.

Yeah, I have a problem,

I'll show you.

I don't think you realize!

Look. See?

Rashes all over my arm s.

Rashes everywhere.

I mean, look.

See? It itches so much

I can't sleep at night.

Look at what your shitty detergent

is doing to me. All right?

I'm being eaten all over.

You see?

But there's nothing at all.

What are you talking about?

There's nothing there.

Nothing there?

Look at this. You see?

I... I mean, all of my skin

is covered in bumps.

All that so you can save

a couple bucks

on a pack of detergent.

And look at the result.

I can't even wear a T-shirt

anymore because of you.

Everything okay here?

What's the matter?

You know the matter is that

this b*tch won't listen to me

- and go back to our old detergent.

- This b*tch?

Yeah, that's what I said, yeah.

B*tch.

Okay, listen to me,

this is going to be very simple.

From now on, you can wash

your own stupid costume,

- is that what you want?

- Sure, yeah. Whatever, fine.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

Yeah?

- Yeah.

- Well, good luck.

Okay fine,

I'll do my own laundry.

It's no big deal.

Um, oh, yeah.

Uh, we got some letters for you.

- Mainly complaints.

- About what?

Well, about you scratching

yourself.

Apparently, it doesn't look good

and the fans are not happy.

Okay, okay, I get it.

Uh, I'll go and see a specialist.

Hey!

I was real careful

not to film your hands earlier.

And after a while,

I... I had the idea

to zoom in on your face

as much as possible

and it really worked.

We couldn't see you

scratching yourself.

- All we would see was your head.

- That's nice.

But, uh,

there are three other cam eras.

Forget it. It was a nice

thought anyway, but thanks.

Also, I wanted to ask.

You started off as an actor,

didn't you?

- Nope, not at all.

- No. Sh*t.

Wait. Why?

What difference does that make?

No, I was just thinking,

as I'm about to make a movie, uh,

I'm gonna have loads

of little parts to fill so

as you came across great on camera,

closeups, you know,

I was thinking maybe suggesting,

but I guess not.

- Well, no.

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