Real Time Page #5

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# Fly at night

till we're satisfied #

# See the morning

from the other side #

# And when you close your eyes #

# Sleep comes fast #

# When you fly the universe #

You want to hear my

one in a million hole in one?

Yeah.

All right.

About five years ago,

back when I was still living

on the east end,

I wake up one morning,

and I have got the feeling

like I've never had it.

I got the f***ing King Midas

going big time.

Like, I knew it,

knew it, knew it, knew it,

knew I was gonna

rip a big win that day.

And I had this voice in my head

that just kept saying,

"Go to the track.

"Go to the track, Andy.

Go to the track."

'Cause there was this 80 to 1

long shot called Egyptian Fin.

Egyptian Fin?

Egyptian f***ing Fin.

I was sure she was gonna win, right?

And I-I just got paid.

I had this stupid

f***ing construction job,

and I was prepared to bet

the whole bloody check

on Egyptian Fin.

I-I thought I'd be up

around 30 grand or something.

Only problem is, the track

didn't open till lunchtime.

So I got f***ing five hours to kill.

Anyway, idiot over here

gets so excited,

I smoke the whole f***ing pack

of smokes in the first hour.

Part of me's saying,

"Hey, just sit tight.

"Stay here.

"Wait till the track opens.

"Don't risk going out there

and wasting that luck

on something stupid."

But I figured

maybe I can just run

to the corner store,

grab a pack of smokes,

and run right back.

Of course, I got f*** all

in my fridge,

so I grabbed a bottle

of ice tea while I was there.

Motherf***er.

What?

I crack open the ice tea,

and it starts to make a noise.

What kind of noise?

Like, music, like, some f***ing

reggae sh*t or something.

And-and I call up

the tea company.

I'm like, "Excuse me,

my tea's making music."

And the woman

on the phone says,

"Oh, congratulations.

You've won the grand prize."

You know, and I'm thinking,

"F***ing A, validation.

"I knew it.

Today was the day."

I-I felt so happy.

I was so f***ing happy.

Well, what'd you win?

Well, she goes away for a little bit.

She has to check something

on the computer.

I hear-

Comes back on the phone

and says,

"Sir, you've won

a Caribbean cruise for two."

And I'm like,

"You've got to be

f***ing shitting me.

"I hate boats.

"I hate the water.

I- I don't even really like

the sun that much. "

I asked her if I could-

if I could sell it, please.

She said, "No."

It was, like, nontransferable

or some sh*t.

And what happened to the horse,

you know, Egyptian Fin?

Finished dead last.

Oh, well, you see?

There you go.

It saved you from losing

your paycheck.

That was lucky, wasn't it?

You really don't f***ing

get it at all, do you?

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