Random Tropical Paradise Page #2

Look at all our married friends.

What do they have in common?

That they're all married?

They're in captivity!

That's what marriage is.

They have that same glazed-over

look that lions at the zoo have.

You know why you've never

heard a lion at the zoo roar?

Because I'm a grown man

and I don't go to the zoo?

Okay, I'm a grown man and I

go to the zoo all the time.

- Is there something weird about it?

- It's kind of weird.

I got an annual pass.

What, am I not gonna use it?

That's ridiculous!

Does your lion metaphor

have a point?

You never hear lions

roar at the zoo

because you need

f***ing balls to roar, man!

- They're good.

- Yeah, like, really good.

Can I ask you a question?

Shoot.

How did we get here, man?

Well, my hillbilly cousin gave

me this gun as a wedding present

and now we're using it to destroy

all the other wedding presents.

- No, not here...

Man, how did we get here

in life?

How could you stay with

someone so long,

let alone almost marry them,

when the whole time

you guys were together

she treated you so...

I don't know what the word...

'Cause I don't want to offend you,

because you're

a fragile guy right now.

What is the word

I'm looking for?

- Cold?

- Cunty.

Careful.

I don't know, man.

When you're in something, you only

see what you want to see, right?

And I saw the girl that

I was supposed to marry.

On paper she was perfect.

I mean, so was Bitcoin

when you think about it.

You never suspected this?

No, actually,

I didn't see this coming.

I totally thought this would be

more of a murder-suicide situation.

Yeah. Wait, what?

Oh, she was going to kill you,

dude. That's for sure.

But then I like to think

in my fantasy world,

she would at least

have the courage

to turn the gun

on herself afterwards.

Is this the sh*t

you actually think about?

I know, right? It's weird.

Okay, do you guys know real songs

at all or do you just eavesdrop?

She checked all the boxes.

- Oh this one, okay. Let's hear 'em.

Okay.

Number one, she had a good job.

You paid for everything!

- She's pretty... -She never

f***ed you, so who cares?

She comes from

a really good family.

Dude, her dad

called me the n-word.

We had a plan.

Harry, I know you have plans.

You f***ing love plans.

But you need to realize

that plan sucked.

If you felt this way, why is this the

first time I'm hearing about it?

Hey, what do you think

about Christine?

She's cool, right?

No, dude. She f***ing sucks.

Anyway, do not

propose to Christine, man.

She f***ing sucks.

What?

Your fiancee f***ing sucks, man.

I don't know, man,

I guess there was

just never a good time

to bring it up.

That's probably the flight Christine and I

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes