Pork Pie Page #2

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to this bland commercial standard.

All those condescending morons,

they just...

They want derivative pulp,

and I'm not going to sell out, man.

I'm... I'm not.

Yep. Here we go.

Speaking of conspiracies...

Afternoon, sir. Do you know

why I pulled you over?

Well, the Rego's all good, so I guess

you're just revenue collecting, officer.

Or another probable cause is...

Another probable cause is

institutionalized racism, you know?

Perhaps you just pulled him over

because he's Maori.

Sorry, sir.

His... his cat got run over this morning,

so he's a bit upset, yeah.

Mmm.

Was it desexed?

- What?

- Your cat.

Oh. Um... no.

Desexed cats are less likely to stray,

therefore less likely to be run over.

You might wanna consider that

next time.

Ok, yeah.

This vehicle left a Taihape service

station without paying for petrol.

You know about that?

- Nah, he paid for that.

- What?

- The petrol.

- Nah, I didn't.

I thought you did, didn't you?

No, you said

you'd Chuck it in, bro, so I...

I would never say

"Chuck it in, bro."

So this vehicle is registered to

jock Stevens. Either of you him?

Hey, what are you doing?

Dude, what are you doing?

Man, are you

in some kind of trouble?

Well, who fills up a car

and doesn't pay for it?

Who's got a mum called jock?

Ok, well, if you don't pull over soon,

you're gonna lose your license.

I don't have one.

Whoa!

Wh...! Whoa!

Oh! Ahh.

Ahh.

Ok, Evel Knievel, maybe you could

just, um, ease off the pedal a little bit.

Ooh!

Where'd he go?

F***!

It's not your mum's mini, is it?

I feel like a burger.

What?

A flame-grilled Angus Patty,

runny egg and barbecue sauce.

Seriously?

Well, you got a better plan?

No.

Let's get a burger.

That's six double-beef bacon, people.

What's the hold-up?

You growing those bloody cows?

We apologise, sir.

We've just had one out the back that

refused to be blended up in the mincer,

but we smacked her around and

you can stuff your face with her shortly.

- I have order 97 here.

- Oh, there you go. Nice and bloody.

Christ, lady, I've got

f***ing kids in the car.

Hello,

handsome. What can I do you for?

Yeah, um...

What...? Mm. Uh... I'm a...

Yeah, I'm a little bit torn.

Bro, she's talking to me.

- She asked me my order.

- I was talking to the driver, sir.

- Oh. That's fine. Sorry.

- Tends to be how it works.

Uh, well, can I grab

the flame-grilled Angus Patty

with runny egg

and extra bacon, please?

- Absolutely.

- Thanks.

And you, sir?

Um, yeah, and I'll get

the flame-grilled cheese, thanks.

- So that's the flame-grilled cheese...

- Oh, but no cheese.

Actually, no, should just make it

the Fla... Flame-grilled original.

- Without cheese?

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