Play the Game Page #2

Lovely as usual.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You went with

the poker story, right?

Yeah, and she told me

you caved already.

What?

Please say

you didn't tell her.

You know how she hates

when I go rolling

for honeys with you!

She told me you

caved already!

Oh, what?

You idiot, I didn't cave.

You caved!

Oh, she... she totally

played you.

Damn it.

Damn it.

There you go.

All right.

What are you expecting,

a flood?

Come on.

There you go.

Okay.

You okay there?

Hemorrhoids.

No, I don't have

hemorrhoids.

I'm avoiding them.

Ahh!

Did you know the average

person experiences

over three "G"s of pressure

in their butt

as they sit down?

Uh, no,

no, I didn't know that.

Yeah, the slower you sit,

the less "G"s.

The way I do it, it's like

I'm sitting on the moon.

That's fascinating,

Mr. Ward.

You're full of

interesting factoids.

The Discovery Channel

never lets me down.

And not only that...

Whoa!

I was an apprentice to

Harry Houdini back in the day.

It's...

It's true, David.

I was in

the tank with him

at the Shelton for

his last show.

He taught me

everything he knew.

The secret to the

milk-can escape...

Are you ready to

get to work, Grandpa?

Oh, yes, sir.

- Ready and waiting.

- Okay, good.

Step one...

Step one:

reconnaissance.

First you need to

identify your target.

I go for a nice-looking,

intelligent girl

who I think can keep up

with me intellectually.

What about her?

Nice, but she's

drinking red wine,

and I like this shirt

way too much.

Ultimately,

I give up on the nice girl

and go for the hot chick.

What? Metamucil?

Oh, forgive me.

Where are my manners?

Oh, that's...

Oh, no, no, no...

Okay. Cool.

Oh. There.

All right, now,

step two:

the approach.

You have to meet her,

or, more accurately,

you have her meet you.

Planned spontaneity,

Grandpa.

That's the name of the game.

You gotta have her thinking

that she discovered you.

If she knows you're

pursuing her, it's all over.

- Excuse me.

- Oh!

Oh, my God,

I am so sorry.

That jerk-face.

Sure it's childish.

But if you find a woman

drinking club soda,

the shirt

practically cleans itself.

Here, let me buy you

a drink.

- All right.

- Come on.

Step three:

the buildup.

You gotta get her

interested in you.

And that's easy.

You just show her

how smart you are.

You know, I never understood

why this salt thing

takes out stains.

Well, salt is actually

sodium chloride

and the water from the stain

sublimates

the molecule's ionic bonds,

which releases energy

and cleans the stain.

Sometimes you gotta

make stuff up.

But if you

say it with confidence,

it's safe to assume they're not

gonna look it up

to see if you're right.

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