Planes

1

MAN:
(ON RADIO)

Look alive.

Contact appears to be heading

315 miles.

Speed 430, Angels.

Approximately 2,000.

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

What's taking this guy so long?

Is he really as good as they say he is?

No. Better.

Oh, yeah!

Whoa! Who was that?

Why, hello, ladies.

Are you ready to lose?

Last one to the water tower

buys a round of fuel.

Tell you what,

I'll give you guys a head start.

- You're going to need it.

- Later, loser.

One one-thousand, two one...

Oh, that's enough.

See ya, suckers!

Eat my...

- Dusty! (COUGHING)

- Oh! Aw...

(DUSTY GROANS)

Pay attention.

You're daydreaming again.

Me? No, no, no! No.

Okay, yes.

But, you know, come on, Leadbottom.

Really? How hard is this?

Fly straight, turn around.

Fly straight, turn around.

Are you disrespecting

the sweet science of aerial application?

Look, I am more than just a crop duster.

Don't go flap-jawing

about that Flings Around the Planet

air racing nonsense again.

DUSTY:
Excuse me, it is called

the Wings Around the Globe Rally.

For the love of Peterbilt!

And it's not nonsense.

I've got a tight turn radius

and a high power-to-weight ratio.

- You know what else you got?

- What?

A screw loose!

I mean, why would you

want to give up crop-dusting?

Blue skies, no air traffic,

and that tangy scent of Vita-minamulch.

(INHALES) Mmm.

Just like Momma used to spray.

Delicious.

They say the sense of smell

is the first thing to go.

- You smell it?

- Quitting time!

(SCOFFS)

A crop duster wanting to be a racer.

If you ask me, more racers

should want to be crop dusters.

I got some minamulch, yeah!

Minamulch

(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

Yuck. Nowadays, they got soybean fuel,

switchgrass fuel, algae fuel. Come on!

- Oh, healthy! No tank you.

- Tell me about it.

- What's next, pistachio propane?

- What, are you nuts?

For my money, there's nothing like

good old-fashioned corn fuel.

- Oh, yeah, you betcha.

- I even made up a slogan.

Oh, slogans are good.

(CLEARS THROAT)

"Corn. It gives you gas."

Catchy. I like that.

Me, too. There you go, Sparky,

you're all set.

- Catch you later, Chug.

- Sure thing.

(OVER RADIO) This is

Dusty Crophopper to Chug. Over.

Uh, Chug isn't here.

Come on, use the new call sign.

Right, right, right.

This is, uh, Strut Jetstream

calling Turbo Coach Truck-zilla.

- Ready for practice?

- You betcha, Strut.

Ha-ha! Whoo!

Young punk.

CHUG:
All right, buddy,

I got you in sight.

Now let's start with

some corn-row sprints.

Drop and give me 20!

(ENGINE ROARS)

CHUG:
Come on, buddy, keep it going!

- Ooh, nice turn.

- What else you got?

Okay. Now, let's try

some treeline moguls.

DUSTY:
Yeah!

CHUG:
All the way up and down.

Don't be dogging it.

- That's how you do it.

- Ooh, yeah!

- Looking good!

- Uh-huh.

Okay, adjust your angle of bank

with your alien irons!

- You mean "ailerons"?

- Oh, yeah.

Oh, great.

DOTTIE:
Oil lines and oil cooler

check out.

DUSTY:
Mmm-hmm.

- AN-8 fittings look fine.

- Nice.

Wait a minute.

You've worn out your main oil-seal.

Huh. Really?

That kind of damage comes from

extremely high speeds.

Hey!

Pushing the engine to the red line

for prolonged periods of time.

- That would be unwise.

- But that's not you.

You're a crop duster

and all you do is just dust crops

- at very low speeds.

- Yep, low and slow.

Unless you've been racing again!

No! What, me? No.

Oh, man, Duster, you were in the zone,

where a Saturn rocket

couldn't catch you!

Ballistic!

We're talking light speed.

Light speed, here!

You're going to tear it up

at the qualifier this weekend.

Yea... Oh, Shelby.

Um... I don't know.

Dusty, you're not built to race.

You're built to dust crops.

Do you know what will happen

if you push it too far?

Wing flutter,

metal fatigue, turbine failure.

- (GASPING) Turbine failure?

- Oh, no, I'm going down!

Why didn't I listen to Dottie?

Yeah, why don't you listen to Dottie?

She's the smartest mechanic

in the world!

- Oh, my gosh!

- What?

- The orphanage!

- CHUG:
No.

- Not the orphanage!

- Kids, out of the way!

Kaboom!

- CHUG:
The kids!

- (GROANS)

- (GASPS)

- (GROANING DRAMATICALLY)

- (GASPING)

- (CHOKES)

Wow! That was vivid and specific.

And exactly why I need you

to come with us to the qualifier.

You're unbelievable.

Oh. Did you hear that? I'm unbelievable.

(SOBBING) The orphans!

(SIGHS)

Tune in, in two weeks for the start of

the Wings Around the Globe.

You know, I think we've got

a really good shot at this, buddy.

Oh, yeah! Especially

if I finish this book by then.

Oh! I love this show!

BRENT:
The 10 best

air crashes of all time!

CHUG:
Whoa! Oh.

DUSTY:
Not good.

CHUG:
How does that happen?

(DUSTY AND CHUG EXCLAIMING)

That is not going to buff out.

You know, this might not cover

everything you could run into out there.

- What are you getting at?

- (STAMMERS) I don't know.

I'm just wondering if maybe

we need, uh, some help.

Help? From who?

Oh, well, like the Skipper.

That old Corsair

down at the end of the runway?

- Sure, he's a war hero.

- He's an old crankshaft.

My buddy, Sparky, says the Skipper

was a legendary

flight instructor in the navy.

That's right. He knows stuff.

He's been grounded for decades.

Why would I want to be coached

by a plane who doesn't even fly?

At least he's a plane.

BRENT:
The number one crash

of all time...

Oh, man!

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