Planes, Trains and Automobiles Page #3

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tolerant person.

You've bugged me

since New York,

starting with

stealing my cab.

God, you're a tight-ass.

How would you like

a mouthful of teeth?

Oh, and hostile, too.

Nice personality combination...

hostile and intolerant.

That's borderline criminal.

Screw you.

You spilled beer

all over the bed,

you mess up

the bathroom...

Who let you stay?

I even let you pay,

so you wouldn't feel

like an intruder.

An intruder?

Right. You ruined a nice trip.

Who talked my ear off

on the plane?

Who was that?

I'm curious.

Who told you to book a room?

I did.

You're an ungrateful jackass.

Sleep in the lobby.

I hope you wake up so stiff

you can't even move.

You got a free cab,

a free room,

and someone

who will listen

to your boring stories.

Didn't you notice on the plane

when you started talking,

I started reading

the vomit bag?

Didn't that

give you some clue

that this guy's

not enjoying it?

Everything's not an anecdote.

You have to discriminate.

You choose things

that are funny

or mildly amusing

or interesting.

You're a miracle.

Your stories

have none of that.

They're not even

amusing accidentally.

Honey, meet Del Griffith.

He's got some

amusing anecdotes.

Here's a gun so you can

blow your brains out.

You'll thank me for it.

I could tolerate

any insurance seminar.

For days,

I could listen to them go on and on.

They'd say,

"How can you stand it?"

And I'd say,

"'Cause I've been with Del Griffith.

I can take anything. "

You know what they'd say?

"I know what you mean.

The shower curtain

ring guy. "

It's like going on a date

with a Chatty Cathy doll.

There should be

a string on your chest

that I pull out.

Except I wouldn't

pull it out, you would.

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

By the way,

when you're telling

these little stories,

here's a good idea.

Have a point.

It makes it more interesting

for the listener.

You want to hurt me?

Go ahead if it

makes you feel better.

I'm an easy target.

Yeah, you're right.

I talk too much.

I also listen too much.

I could be a cold-hearted

cynic like you,

but I don't like to

hurt people's feelings.

Well, you think

what you want about me.

I'm not changing.

I like... I like me.

My wife likes me.

My customers like me.

'Cause I'm the real article.

What you see

is what you get.

Del.

Hmm? Yeah.

Why did you kiss my ear?

Why are you holding my hand?

Where's your other hand?

Between two pillows.

Those aren't pillows!

Aah!

Oh, no!

Ooh!

Oh!

Oh! Oh!

See that Bears' game

last week?

Hell of a game.

They're going all the way.

Ohh, yeow.

Neal, take my socks

out of the sink

if you're going

to brush your teeth.

Where are you?

I'm in Wichita.

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