Piled Higher and Deeper Page #2

So now I'm way too excited to go to class.

Uh, okay.

Cool, thanks!

Can I also maybe get an extension because I am very very very hungry...

Hey, Dad. Yeah, uh, grad school's going...great.

Yeah, I'm actually doing an independent study for a professor.

It's called, "Workspace Augmentation of Photon Impingement Through Impurities Removal"

Technically, it means that I'm paying the university

to do free work for them.

Yeah, but Professor Smith says that if I do a good job

he might tentatively consider possibly thinking about

taking me on as a Ph. D. student.

How long before I finish my Ph. D.?

Uh, well... Yeah, yeah, I know you told all your friends

I was gonna be a doctor.

You didn't tell them I was gonna be a medical doctor, did you?

[music]

[knocks]

[commotion inside]

"Yeah?

--Are you Mike Slackenerny?"

Maybe--who's asking?

I'm a new student with Professor Smith's lab

and they told me to come talk to you?

Ah, new guy. Hold a sec.

Let's go.

Okay, the first lesson in being a Ph. D. student

is learning about the most important thing in a Ph.D. student's life.

It surrounds us, it binds us,

flows through us, and gives us life.

You mean, the Force?

The free food!

Okay, act casual.

Is this food for us?

Nah, it's for the Special Relativity Seminar,

but they're always losing track of time.

You want some?

No thanks.

You see, free food's about a lot more than just getting a free meal.

It's about opportunity,

and how you're wasting it coming to grad school

instead of getting a real job and earning a decent living.

Did you know there are over

five thousand janitors in this country with a Ph. D.?

So you might as well eat the free food--am I right?

Welcome to the Smith Lab.

[angelic choir music]

Uh, don't I need a labcoat?

Suit yourself.

So, do you feel more science-y now?

Yeah, I picked the only labcoat that seems clean.

Ah, that's Professor Smith's.

Won't he need it when he works at the lab, though?

[laughter]

Oh man. Let me introduce you around the group.

That's Carlos.

'Sup.

That's Deva. He already has a Ph. D. from his home country,

but the only job he could get there was as a taxi driver.

The tips are better here!

That's Sean, but everybody calls him Golden Boy.

Guys, I keep telling you--I'm not Professor Smith's favorite.

Ask him what he did last weekend.

I went hiking with Professor Smith.

What?

And that's Allison. She's #2 on the lab hierarchy.

Basically, I do all the crap around here nobody else wants to do.

The lab motto is:

"Why do something today,

when you can get Allison to do it for you tomorrow?"

So, uh, how's your research going?

Don't you know you're never supposed to ask a grad student that question?

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