Personal Services Page #3

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It was in and out, just like that. In, out.

You do, you look just like Dracula's daughter

in that outfit, you really do.

Oh, leave me alone. Just piss off, will you?

- Piss off!

- Piss off yourself.

This is my flat. Speak to me like that!

You can piss off yourself.

Right.

Right.

I will.

I've got better things to do.

Freezing my tits off in this dump.

- You can stick it up your gonger.

- Eight weeks' rent.

No, no, you said piss off, and piss off I shall.

Eight weeks' rent.

Here. You reckon you're so bloody juicy.

Get on your back and earn it yourself.

Cow!

Hello? No, she's not here.

No. No, she's gone to a health farm.

Oh, yes, we are.

If you ring tomorrow, there'll be a new girl on.

Sentimental music on radio

Dracula's daughter.

Can I come in, babe?

Gawd, Sydney, do I need it?

What do you want, Sydney?

It's the middle of the night. What do you want?

- Oh, babe. I've been thinking, babe.

- I'm not a babe, Sydney.

I'm not your babe

or anybody else's baby, all right?

I know you're not, babe.

What do you want?

I've come to ask you to marry me.

Oh, dear.

No, I know it's not a very good idea.

I know it's not.

But if you think about it, it is.

You need somebody,

somebody to look after you.

I've got loads of money.

You know, loads.

And no-one to share it with.

I could look after you.

Say yes, and I'll open a bottle right now.

Pop, just like that.

Bottle of bubbly.

I bought you some flowers.

Think about it, babe.

When you wake in the morning

and see these flowers,

think about it.

There's a bottle of bubbly waiting. There.

- One on the way, dear.

- One on the way!

Ha, ha! I hope not. Dolly, I can't stop piddling.

Where's the gin?

- You don't have to do it.

- What's sex ever done for me?

- Up the duff at 16.

- That's no reason.

If you don't want to do it, don't.

Pull yourself together, do. Go on, get in there.

Go on.

Dolly, I need another widdle.

- How much do I charge?

- Leave that to me.

Ready, dear?

Oh!

I'm ready.

- You don't look it.

- I'm ready.

Oh!

Oh, it's you.

Fancy meeting you here.

- We know each other.

- Come in, come in.

Thank you.

It's all right, Dolly. Shut your mouth.

Go on. It's all right.

Well, fancy meeting you here.

Caught up with you at last, eh?

Would you like a cup of tea?

- Pardon?

- Would you like a cup of tea?

- Have two. No extra charge.

- I've only got a short time.

- Oh.

- Business.

What line of business are you in?

- Double glazing.

- Double glazing? Well, I never.

Yes.

What a lot of job satisfaction there must be...

in...

double glazing.

Bringing all that extra warmth

into people's lives.

You've not had sex for 23 years, have you?

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