Personal Services Page #2

---

It's true, Shirley. I can't find it.

I spend all my time rummaging

inside his pyjamas looking for his little willy.

Too many things can go wrong with sex.

Too many bits and pieces.

- He takes you to nice places.

- There's no romance.

- No dick.

- No dick.

Not like Mr Popozogolou.

- He had a really funny one, Mr Popozogolou.

- Marry him. Keep you laughing.

It was like...

It wasn't long, but my God, it was...

What's that German sausage called?

- Salami.

- Liverwurst.

Liverwurst. It was like a lump of liverwurst.

It was like that.

He wanted me to put it in his mouth.

Can you imagine?

- His mouth?

- My mouth. You know.

What did you do?

- I went down and had a look.

- And then what?

I came back up again bloody quick.

I couldn't do it for love, let alone money.

- So what did you do?

- I did him with my hand. This one.

- A hand job?

- That's right.

- A wank.

- A Popozogolou.

A Popozogolou!

It... It went...

It went... brrrp!

Just like that.

Really high. I mean, even he was surprised.

- I'll pay.

- I need a wee.

He's a nice man, Mr Popozogolou.

I felt sorry for him.

- What are you doing the next couple of weeks?

- I thought I'd knit a cardie.

- You know Rose?

- Scrag-end Rose?

Could you maid for her

until she finds somebody else?

- No.

- Why not?

She's a scrubber.

I wouldn't maid for no scrubber.

Oh, here's Ron.

- Hello, Ron.

- All right, Doll?

- Come on, we'd better go, love.

- See you.

She's a young model of 21,

a petite figure, but very sexy.

You will like her.

That is correct. Yes.

She offers a full personal service.

Sophisticated, discreet, and clean.

Five o'clock last caller.

Why not pop round?

We are 33, that's 3-3, Pierpoint Street.

That's right, as in Albert.

Hope to see you, then.

God, I'm freezing!

What man in his right mind

wants to get his cock out in this weather?

Hi.

- What are you doing here?

- You've got one.

- What?

- Client. I'm your new maid.

- You? A prostitute's maid?

- Why not?

- Get a move on. You've got a client.

- Bugger him. I need a coffee.

Listen to me.

I've chucked in my job at the caf for this.

So get in here, get on your back, and get busy.

Well, who is it? I don't want no time wasters.

Oh, it's you.

All right. I'll do him first.

Come on.

Thanks.

Bloody hell!

That was quick.

- See the man to the door, then.

- Yes, of course.

- Thank you. Goodbye.

- Oh, thank you. Did you change your mind?

Pardon?

Did you change your mind?

No.

Oh, come again, then.

- Nice to see you.

- Thank you.

- Bye.

- Bye.

- That was quick.

- "That was quick".

Piss off and make some coffee.

- You look like Dracula's daughter.

- "That was quick".

It was quick.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes