Paul Blart: Mall Cop Page #2

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giving the illusion that you have a gun.

Which, of course, we both know

you don't.

Okay? But you know what we do have?

Our voices! We have our voices.

If you remember one thing

from today, it's this.

The mind is the only weapon

that doesn't need a holster.

Right. Awesome.

How long do we get for lunch?

Half hour. But I eat in 20, which leaves me

five minutes for social time,

five minutes to get refocused.

We got a high roller.

Sir, I'm gonna need you to pull to the right.

Please pull to the side, sir. Out of traffic.

Tan jacket, red scooter,

please pull to the right, out of traffic.

Sir.

Thank you.

Driving kind of recklessly back there, sir.

You're kidding.

I don't joke about shopper safety.

I'm afraid I'm gonna have to

issue you a citation.

Gonna need your first and last. Last first.

Sir. Sir. Sir, sir, sir.

Please don't make this more difficult

than it needs to be, okay?

Are you able to...

Sir. Sir! Sir. I am warning you, sir.

You're pushing it.

Sir. Sir. I am warning... Sir.

Sir. Sir. Sir.

Okay.

This is adding up, sir. He'll be back.

He'll be back. He'll be back.

- Hey.

- Hi. Do you need something?

Yes. I'd like to welcome you to our mall.

Well, thank you.

Is there something else?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Just looking for some hair extensions.

Need a little more volume up top.

Do you do men?

Do you do men hair? Do you do men hair?

On the men?

Are you the guy

that crashed into the minivan?

I don't think so. Which one?

Well, that one. That one right there.

Yeah. That one, yes. That...

You know, that one was me.

- Oh, wow. Are you okay?

- Oh, yeah. Never better.

Although they're docking the paycheck

pretty good.

Yeah.

You know what you should do?

You should get the security tape,

and then, like, sell it to one of those shows,

you know, where people crash into stuff.

- Hello, early retirement.

- Yeah, right?

Volume. Right, let me just see what I've got.

Yeah, this is Blart.

If you need me, I'm over by the kiosks.

Who is this?

It's Officer Blart, reporting from Sector 5.

What the hell are you bothering me for?

- Just a Code B check.

- What a moron.

You know, I'll check in with them later.

It's pretty intense.

Oh, right, yeah. Life of a security guard.

- What, what?

- No, it's just that you said security guard,

and it's perfectly acceptable...

I'm so sorry if I called you the wrong thing.

No, no, no, no. You did fine, you know?

It's just that there's a huge,

huge controversy

brewing in the industry right now,

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