Parrot Sketch Not Included: Twenty Years of Monty Python Page #3

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The Hammers?

No? Well, bad luck there, Karl.

So we'll go to you, Che.

Che Guevara, Coventry City

last won the F.A. Cup

in what year?

No?

I'll throw it open.

Coventry City last won

the F.A. Cup in what year?

I'm not surprised

you didn't get that.

It was, in fact,

a trick question.

Coventry City have never won

the F.A. Cup.

With the scores all equal,

we go on to our second round.

Lenin, it's your starter for 10.

Teddy Johnson and Pearl Carr

won the Eurovision

Song Contest in 1959.

What was the name

of the song?

Teddy Johnson

and Pearl Carr's song

In the 1959 song contest?

Anybody? No?

[buzzer]

Yes, mao tse-tung?

Sing, little birdie?

Yes, it was, indeed.

Well challenged.

Well, now we come to

our special gift section.

The contestant is Karl Marx,

and the prize this week is

a beautiful lounge suite.

Karl has elected

to answer questions

on the workers'

control of factories,

so here we go with

question number one.

Are you nervous?

"The development of

the industrial proletariat

is conditioned by

what other development?"

The development of the

industrial bourgeoisie.

Yes. Yes, it is, indeed.

You're on your way

to your lounge suite, Karl.

Question number two--

"The struggle

of class against class

is a what struggle?"

A political struggle.

Yes, yes.

One final question, Karl,

and the beautiful

lounge suite will be yours.

You going to have a go?

You're a brave man.

Karl Marx,

your final question--

"Who won the cup final

in 1949?"

Uh, the workers control

the means of production.

The struggle of

the urban proletariat.

No. It was

Wolverhampton Wanderers

who beat Leicester 3-1.

[announcer] And here

come the Germans now,

led by their skipper

Nobby Hegel.

They've certainly attracted

the most attention

from the press

with their team problems.

Let's now see their line-up.

The Germans playing 4-2-4,

Leibniz in goal,

Back four--kant, Hegel,

Schopenhauer, and Schelling,

Front runners Schlegel, Wittgenstein,

Nietzsche, and Heidegger,

and the midfield duo

of Beckenbauer and Jaspers.

Beckenbauer obviously

a bit of a surprise there.

[crowd cheers]

And here come the Greeks,

led by their veteran

centre half Heraclitus.

Their team, as you'd expect,

is a much more

defensive line-up.

Plato's in goal,

Socrates a front runner,

And Aristotle as sweeper--

Aristotle very much

the man in form.

One surprise is

the inclusion of Archimedes.

Here comes the referee

K'ung Futzu Confucius

and his two linesmen Saint Augustine

and Saint Thomas Aquinas.

As the two skippers come

together to shake hands,

we're ready for the start

of this exciting final.

The referee mr. Confucius

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