Outrageous Fortune Page #2

geniuses of the theatre.

Now if you don't mind.

Hey, maybe I should audition

for him too. I'm an actress.

Hey, no, I'm a pro. I bet

I'm more of a pro than you.

Uh-huh. Well, I just made

2,500 bucks doin' a movie, yeah.

That's where I've seen you.

It has been driving me crazy.

- You saw Ninja Vixens?

- I, uh, must have.

Huh. Well, this whole acting

thing's been goin' pretty good.

I mean, it's all just

bullshittin', right?

Actors are just

bullshitters who get paid.

Where do I sign up?

Just exactly what do you think

you're going to do in there?

I don't know. I'll make somethin' up.

You're going in to Stanislav

Korzenowski and wing it?

Jesus, you'd think I was

gonna go in and pee on him.

Listen to me.

You do not audition for a man

of Korzenowski's reputation...

without a prepared classical monologue.

That means Shaw, Ibsen, Shakespeare.

I'm doing Ophelia's mad scene. I'm

not waltzing in off the street...

saying, "Gee, I think

I wanna be an actress."

You know what I bet?

I bet you haven't been

laid in about a year.

- Ames, Lauren.

- Ah, ah.

Yes, I'm coming. I'm...

I'm... I will be co...

I'm... I'm... I'm ready. I'm... I'm...

- I'm ready.

- Quickly, Miss Ames.

I have a good mad scene.

It's really great. I just saw it.

Hmm.

I will not only wish you to

absorb everything that I say.

I will also wish you to keep

notes of everything that I say.

And I will wish to look at those notes.

Now if you say this

is like high school...

I do not apologize.

I am an old egotist...

and I want to know that

you record my ideas.

If you do not, you're

gone from the class.

All right. We begin.

We begin with vowel groups.

Vowel groups.

Mr Weldon...

do you know the difference

between a Texas diphthong...

and a Georgia diphthong?

Sorry I'm late.

They made me fill out all these

dumb-ass financial aid forms.

You want 'em?

You want 'em?

I cannot believe... I absolutely

cannot believe he let her in!

And on scholarship!

I just bet I know what

she did as an audition.

The woman has no

training, no experience.

I mean, correct me if I'm wrong.

I really thought if you

worked at your craft, maybe...

just possibly, you'd get to

work with one of the greats.

It's $2.95, not $295.

I knew that.

Something's seriously

wrong with my life.

Excuse me.

- Are you all right?

- Better.

L-I w... I was just, um...

- Who cares? May I help you?

- Yeah.

- Have you got something in a pumpkin?

- The shade pumpkin?

- No, a pumpkin costume.

- Oh.

God, I sound like an idiot.

The reason is that I

teach grammar school.

- You're a

schoolteacher? - Uh-huh.

- You're not an actor?

- Oh, God, no. I'd be awful.

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