Other People's Money Page #2

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- Bill, do we have doughnuts?

- I don't think so.

How's that coffee coming along?

- Here we are, Mr. Garfield.

- Thank you.

- Sugar and cream?

- Sugar. I'll take care of it.

- Thank you, Emma.

- I could have Emma get doughnuts.

No, no. Why don't we get down

to business.

What's the matter?

You're not interested in doughnuts?

- Would you like me to get some doughnuts?

- No. Never mind, Emma.

You're right.

- Let's talk business.

- Good idea.

What business are we talking about?

Good coffee.

Well, let's put it this way:

Back in New York, I got a computer.

Her name is Carmen.

Every morning, right after I brush my teeth,

I punch out:

"Carmen, computer on the wall,

who's the fairest of them all?"

Now, most mornings, she spits out,

"Garfield, you're the fairest."

But three weeks ago, she said:

"Garfield, Garfield, scratch your balls.

New England..." Pardon me. "New England

Wire and Cable is the fairest of them all."

New England Wire and Cable?

I said, "What's it worth?"

So she showed me the numbers.

You got equipment here

that costs $120 million.

Even at salvage,

it's worth 30, 35 million.

- Can I use that blackboard over there?

- Yeah, go ahead.

Thank you.

Come with me.

Carmen will educate us.

Gonna erase this stuff here.

Here.

Let's put down 30 million.

- How many acres you got?

- A hundred and ten.

Carmen and I figure,

even as farmland, grazing land...

...it's worth 10 million.

- Is that fair?

- Yeah.

Let's lay the 10 under the 30.

That makes 40 million.

You bought some other companies,

didn't you, Bill?

You have a plumbing, an electrical

and some kind of adhesive company.

Boring, but all making a decent profit.

Carmen says they're worth

another 60 mil.

Let's put the 60 under the 40.

And you have working capital of 25 million,

10 of it in cash.

Let's put down 25 million,

add them up and see what you got.

$125 million.

The only bad news is...

...that this wire and cable division

isn't making a profit...

...and all the other divisions

have to support you.

Now, as a stockholder,

that doesn't make me very happy.

Are you finished, Mr. Garfield?

No, I'm not, Bill.

Let's say Carmen was suffering

from premenstrual syndrome.

No offense. A little nuts.

Let's say she was too optimistic.

Let's knock off 25 million.

Here we go.

Let's make it...

...$100 million.

A nice round number.

I like nice round numbers.

Any debt? No.

Any lawsuits?

Any environmental bullshit?

You throwing your garbage in the water?

Of course not. Not you.

What about pension liabilities?

Carmen says you're fully funded.

You people are dreams.

- I think this meeting is over.

- No, no, wait a minute.

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