Orange Is the New Black Page #2

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As the two men work on getting the pig out of the box, the

ladies are chatting.

ANGLE ON PIPER AND KIRSTEN:

Piper holds a cocktail, Kirsten, something non-alcoholic.

KIRSTEN:

Are we really gonna eat that?

PIPER:

Isn’t it appropriate that I eat pig

the night before I go to prison?

KIRSTEN:

Why?

PIPER:

Pigs. Cops. Never mind. It’s a

stretch.

KIRSTEN:

I guess anything but tuna.

PIPER:

Huh?

KIRSTEN:

Cause you’re going to be eating so

much of it in jail? Tuna? Vagina?

PIPER:

Nice. Thanks.

KIRSTEN:

How the f*** are you going to jail

tomorrow?

PIPER:

Prison. Not jail.

ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK "Pilot" JENJI DRAFT 7.

KIRSTEN:

Oh. Of course. Prison. F***,

Piper. Your timing sucks.

PIPER:

Like your timing doesn’t? Damn

baby. Ruining everything.

KIRSTEN:

And you’re missing my shower.

PIPER:

I’m still chipping in. And I

bought you a really nice gift.

KIRSTEN:

Yeah? What?

PIPER:

A pig roasting box. I got a twofer

deal. You’ll love it.

KIRSTEN:

I hope you’re kidding. You’re

kidding, right? You better be

kidding.

PIPER:

I got you that ridiculous stroller.

KIRSTEN:

Seriously? Oh my god. The one

that charges your phone?

PIPER:

Yes.

KIRSTEN:

Okay. You can go to prison now.

PIPER:

Thank you. Kirsten, you know I’m

sorry.

KIRSTEN:

I know.

PIPER:

And we hired Marianna. She’ll deal

with everything when we’re both...

indisposed.

ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK "Pilot" JENJI DRAFT 8.

KIRSTEN:

Indisposed? Lovely euphemism.

Marianna’s so... intense.

PIPER:

We need that. We’re the artists.

KIRSTEN:

We’re artists now?

PIPER:

They’re artisanal bath products.

Just shut up. It’s all gonna to be

fine. We got into Barney’s, for

Christ sake! Be happy for that at

least.

KIRSTEN:

Rah rah. I wish I could

drink right now.

PIPER:

How ‘bout I drink enough for both

of us?

Piper takes a long pull on her drink.

KIRSTEN:

Am I allowed to cry? ‘Cause I was

before, and I kind of want to

again.

PIPER:

No. No. Seriously. No.

The guys now have much of the pig on a platter.

LARRY:

We’re ready! Everyone inside.

PIPER:

See? No time for crying. Need a

hoist?

Piper holds out a hand to Kirsten and hauls her up. They

head into the house.

PIPER (CONT’D)

And onto the last supper.

CUT TO:

ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK "Pilot" JENJI DRAFT 9.

INT. PIPER AND LARRY’S BROWNSTONE -BEDROOM -NIGHT

Piper and Larry in bed, her head nestled in his chest.

PIPER:

We have to do it.

LARRY:

I know.

PIPER:

We shouldn’t have eaten so much.

LARRY:

I know.

PIPER:

Did you take the Viagra?

LARRY:

About a half hour ago.

PIPER:

So that’s good.

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