One Day Page #3

Monterey Jack.

Look, I thought you

were writing poetry.

What, go where the money is?

Tried that. Failed.

You just can't

see it, can you?

Look, you're funny. You're attractive.

You're smart.

I mean, you're

the smartest person I know.

Sure.

You are. You're attractive.

You're sexy.

What?

What? Is that supposed to be

sexist or something?

No, it's not sexist.

It's just ridiculous.

Em, listen.

If I could just give

you one gift, all right,

one gift for the

rest of your life,

do you know what I'd give you?

Confidence.

It's either that

or a scented candle.

Come here.

Emma? So I've disinfected

the meat fridge.

My hero.

Thank you, Ian.

See you tomorrow.

Bye, mate.

Bye, Emma.

I should go, too.

All right.

I'll be fine. I just

feel a bit lost, that's all.

Come on, everyone's lost at 25.

You're not.

Trainee TV producer.

Nice new flat. CD player.

Group sex

Tuesdays and Fridays.

Yeah, but you know,

I am crying on the inside.

You know what you need,

don't you?

Mmm-mmm.

You need a holiday.

Look, Dexter, all I'm saying is

I think we need some rules.

Rules!

I'm not taking any chances

with our friendship,all right.

All right, all right.

Such as?

Separate bedrooms.

Wherever we stay, no shared beds,

no drunken cuddles.

I don't see the point

of cuddling, anyway.

Cuddling gives you cramp.

Agreed, then.

Rule number two.

No flirting.

No having a few drinks

and getting frisky with me.

Or anyone else.

Well, I never flirt.

I'm serious.

Hello, what's this?

Which leads me to rule three.

The nudity clause.

What?

I don't want to see you

in the shower, or have a wee.

Or have a wee in the shower.

Well, I can't promise that.

You have to, Dex.

It's the rules,

and absolutely

no skinny-dipping.

All right, then. Rule number four.

What?

No Scrabble.

I love Scrabble.

That is exactly

why it's my rule.

Look, we're not dead yet.

Voil.

What is that?

Hmm? My swimming costume.

It's called the Edwardian.

No, the masonry paint.

It's factor 30. I burn.

Here, let me.

I've not seen this before.

What, that?

I got that in Thailand.

It's a yin-yang.

Looks like a road sign.

Yeah, well, it means

"the perfect union of opposites."

It means "wear some socks."

This is scooped a

bit low, isn't it?

Good job I didn't

put it on backwards.

I think I'll go for a dip.

This is a nudist beach.

No, it's not.

It is. Look.

They're barbecuing!

You see, I couldn't do that.

Barbecue naked.

What is that?

Is that yoga?

Oh, God.

Grow up, all right.

Back to your magazine.

I can hear you thinking. It's

like this crunching noise.

The answer is no.

Don't you think we'd feel more

comfortable with our clothes off?

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