One, Two, Many Page #2

Synopsis: A modern-day romance that follows one man's quest to find the girl of his dreams. A girl who can agree that three is company.
Genre: Comedy, Romance
Director(s): Michael DeLorenzo
Production: National Lampoon
 
IMDB:
3.7
R
Year:
2008
88 min
145 Views


the middle ofthe night.

My newborn was starving

the nextmorning.

l was forgiving though.

My fathertold me

l'm a very forgiving person.

ln fact, right before

he died, he told me

dialogue speeds up

l was his favorite child,

which really

pissed my sisteroff.

She fond out

because l was telling

Well.

my motherand she was

in the otherroom.

The walls were paperthin.

Speaking ofpaper, did you

read The Post this morning?

l did. lt had

an article abot

That's funny--

a guy who made love

to his dog.

Speaking ofwhich, my dog

passed away when l was seven.

Oh, really?

l cried so hard.

l think itaffected me

later in life.

Nowl can't deal

with loss,

which is why l won't

go to Atlantic City.

See, part of me likes to gamble,

but anotherpart of me doesn't.

Which part of you

shuts the f*** up?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Woldn't it be great

if we were with another

girl right now?

Yeah, you would love it,

wouldn't yo , dirty girl?

Come on , let me in!

l was kidding!

l was just kidding!

Okay, great!

Okay, great!

Gerald is bigger.

No wonderyou need a walker.

Let me in!

Let me in!

Ernie, l think l found

my mission in life.

So what's your

big mission,

to rob a bank?

No, l think l figured ot

howto make this

relationship thing work.

Relationship thing?

Dude, howmany times

l have to tell you,

bang prostitutes.

Fora fewhundred

bucks a night,

you'll save

thousands on alimony.

Yeah, and blow it

on STD medications?

Nah. Dude, what l need to do

is find a girlfriend

that wold allow

otherwomen into bed with me.

You gota better chance

of robbing a bank.

l'm gonna get

something to eat.

Again.

Yeah, l'm fat.

Want some peanuts,

stuttermonkey?

Here ya go

My...mom says you...

guys are j-just jealos.

That jealosy line

neverworks.

l know.

Yeah, stutter-face,

we're alljealous.

We all wantto be

stuttering idiots.

Hey, kid, come here.

Who are you?

Who am l?

You gonna tell him,

Joey, orshould l?

l'm a warlock.

A male witch.

And if you ever

pick on Joey again,

next time yo 're

trying to go to sleep,

l'll be in yourroom,

watching you.

ln the corner,

in the closet,

underthe bed.

And that night,

when you finally

do getto sleep,

you'll have the worst

nightmare of yourlife.

You might

not even wake up.

Come on , we don't

believe in warlocks.

Oh, yo don't believe

in warlocks? Do you?

No.

No? Well, watch this.

You see

that guy overthere?

Unh!

coughing

choking

coughs

Now get ot ofhere

before l turn you

into a bunch of frogs.

What's up, Joey?

Hey, thanks, but now

my only friends are gone.

Friends?

Joey, those kids

ain't yorfriends, man.

Let me tell yo something.

You'll be lucky

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John Melendez

John Edward Melendez (born October 4, 1965), better known as "Stuttering John," is an American podcast host, stand-up comedian, television writer, actor, and radio personality. He is best known for being on The Howard Stern Show from 1988 to 2004. Initially working as an intern, Melendez became known for asking impertinent questions to celebrities at events and press conferences with his stuttering. He left the show to become the announcer on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno. In April 2018, he launched The Stuttering John Podcast. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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