On the Double Page #2

in the back seat

and I'll drive you out,

General.

I won't be impersonating

an officer.

That's what I mean.

I'll impersonate an officer.

Ernie,

it's dark outside.

Don't you see how you fooled

that limey captain?

wearing all that brass.

I'll make like your chauffeur.

It's a cinch.

You must be out of your mind.

You don't even know

how to drive.

The incredible just takes

just a little bit longer.

and categorically

no, no, no.

( tires screeching )

MAN 1:
Hey!

( tires screeching )

MAN 2:

Who goes there?

Oh, sorry, sir.

I didn't know you were

visiting the camp, sir.

But I have strict orders, sir.

Your orders not to let anyone

Quiet, sergeant.

( imitates MacKenzie ):

Um, very good.

But I've just revoked

the order,

and I am in a bit

of a rush.

Open the barrier.

There's a good man.

Sorry, sir, but you must

prove your identity.

Blasted man,

I have urgent business

at Supreme Headquarters.

I have no time to play

Tin Soldier. Never have.

Now you know who I am.

Open the barrier

or I shall have my man

drive through it!

Open.

( engine revs )

( in normal voice ):

Once we get out of sight,

I'll take the wheel.

I've got to hand it to you.

Maybe it was you

who had the IQ of 185.

( tire bursts )

I guess it was mine.

Listen, you better get out

and change that tire

before they try

to come and help us.

Where do they hide the tools

in these things?

I don't even know

where they put the motor.

I can't do that.

I'm the general.

So, be democratic.

Oh, stop worrying.

They didn't even notice us.

Hey, I think I found the jack.

Heh, look.

( car horn honking )

Look, I think I found a fuse.

( siren wailing )

( both nervously chattering )

Oh, what fender.

What to do?

Let me get out of here!

Lift up, so I can

put the jack under here.

( screams ):

Yeah, oh, God!

Get this thing up--

We have transport

for you, sir. Please get in.

We'll take you

to Supreme Headquarters.

I've got a better idea.

Take me to jail.

( dramatic theme playing )

MAN:

Yes, yes. A remarkable

resemblance to the general.

But we must be

absolutely certain.

The Nazis,

I'm sorry to say, escaped.

They've slipped through

our fingers again,

up our sleeve as

a last resort.

Finally, we seem to have

stumbled on a man

who has a chance

of carrying it off.

Yes, but yeah, you've seen

the report on this fellow?

He's a hypochondriac,

a malingerer,

a confirmed grouser,

he's got flat feet--

But it made a monkey

out of the Sergeant Le Garde.

Nonsense. At night,

and for a few seconds only.

Colonel.

We're both in intelligence

and both understand

that could get us committed

to a booby hatch

There's something in that.

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