Now You Know

---

sort of horrible Stephen King novel...

it is because you yourself

are Dolores Claiborne.

- That's cool.

- Guys have this weird thing about marriage.

They see it as this big fucking commitment,

but that's just bullshit, man.

'Cause commitment, I always say,

is just a word. Okay?

Commitment is just a word.

By the time you're ready to get married...

you've already been

in a committed relationship for a while, right?

So at that point, marriage is just

a ceremony and a killer fucking party...

and a change in your tax status,

that's right.

- Well, I guess you're right.

- Of course I'm fucking right!

That's why I'm sharing this with you

'cause I know it's tough to find a commiserator

amongst all these knuckleheads.

No, I appreciate it.

I appreciate that. Thank you.

And let me tell you about one more thing

to ease your conscience... the bachelor party.

- Please.

- The bachelor party is kind of like

declaring martial law...

for married guys,

or about-to-be married guys.

So, what I'm saying,

is at that point...

all the rules and all the structures

get kicked to the fucking curb, right?

So that means you relax,

you have a good time... a very good time.

- No worries, man. No worries.

- Yeah. All right.

- I love you. I love you to death.

- Thanks for coming.

- Okay.

- Who's next?

Uh, that'd be me.

Excuse me, gentlemen.

- Hi.

- Hi.

Mmm!

Jeremy, I'm gonna get out of this

exactly what I put into it.

- You are tall, ain't you?

- [Laughing]

"Commitment is just a word."

Well, apparently.

Yeah. Then again,

we are under martial law.

You know what, Shane?

- Time for my announcement.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, hey, hey.

Why you so hell-bent on doing this?

Because... this is my bachelor party...

and my wedding has been canceled.

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