Not Another Teen Movie

- Austin.

Mr. Not-First-String-Anymore,

isn't first-string anymore.

We know what happened last time

Jake called the plays.

And now, ourhometown hero...

...first-string quarterback,

Jake Wyler!

Malik, could you hold these books?

Sure. Why not?

I am the token black guy.

I smile, stay out of

the conversation...

...and say things like "Damn,"

"Shit," and "That is whack!"

What's she doing here?

She graduated four years ago.

- Hi, Jake.

- Catherine.

Can I ask you a question?

Why is it when I tell a guy

to put it anywhere...

- ...they always stick it in my ass?

- Damn!

Way too much information.

Oh, no. Too much information

would be telling you...

...that after they're done

I take a huge dump.

Shit!

On their chest.

Oh, that is whack!

Priscilla, there you are.

Jake, I need some

T- to-the-fourth-power-Y.

Some time to talk to you.

God.

It made sense to me, Priscilla.

You're leaving me for this guy?

I'm sorry, Jake.

We met over spring break.

I'm not ordinary.

You're leaving me for this guy?

His name is Les...

...and he's the most beautiful thing

I've ever seen.

And so is his bag.

Janey Briggs,

please report to the office.

Being a foreign exchange student

is scary...

...adjusting to a new school,

a new country.

But you'll find that the students

are very accepting.

- I am so happy to be in America.

- You have a sunny disposition.

- You got your schedule?

- I don't need it.

I come to school to be

object of lust...

...for poor nerds who cannot get

American pussy.

Well, isn't that wonderful?

Janey, come in.

This is Areola,

our foreign exchange student.

Janey will show you

to your first class.

Hi.

- I like your backpack.

- Grazie.

Dude, I heard there's an undercover

reporter posing as a student.

Dude, no way, dude.

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