Not Another Teen Movie Page #2

Do you know where

Mr. Keller's English class is?

- Down the hall, on your left.

- Sweet, dude.

For the thousandth time, I said,

"Swallow that thing."

Am I right?

How could Priscilla dump me,

Jake Wyler?

Who does she think she is?

I got two words for you, Jake:

Prom queen, material.

Austin, she's an illusion.

You take away the makeup,

the clothes...

...the way she wears her hair,

the smell of her perfume...

...that cute face she makes

when she's tonguing my balls...

Look, she's replaceable.

Given the right look,

the right boyfriend...

- ...any girl could be prom queen.

- I smell a bet.

Jakey, Jakey,

about to make a big...

...mistakey.

I'll pick the most

hopeless girl at this school...

...and I'll bet that you

can't turn her into prom queen.

You're on, Austin.

I'll bet you lose that bet...

...but learn a much more

valuable lesson, and win.

In life, that is.

You're both on.

All right.

Let's find you a prom queen,

Mr. Let's-Find-Me-A-Prom-Queen.

What about her?

Baby's got back.

Hunch, that is.

No, way too easy.

- I have no pigment

- Any girl with a guitar is hot.

I need sunscreen

Even a hippie albino.

She could be prom queen.

What about the Fratelli sisters?

So they're slightly disfigured

and connected.

But combined, those two make up

one pretty decent chick.

- I'd do them!

- I know, Reggie Ray.

I'm looking for somebody

really messed up.

I'm talking about a real shitbomb.

Well, bombs away.

No, no, no, anyone but her!

Not Janey Briggs.

Guys, she's got glasses

and a ponytail.

She's got paint on her overalls!

What is that?

There's no way

she could be prom queen.

Damn, that sh*t's whack.

Aim for the head!

Can you imagine

what they do in there?

Holy cow.

Guys, get your heads

out of the gutter.

It's a locker room.

It's no sexier in there...

...than it is in here.

Molly, can you help me

take off my panties?

Hold on, I've got lotion

on my hands.

That's okay.

You can just use your mouth.

Thanks, Miss Peters.

So...

...who would like to share their poem

with the class?

Mr. Keller? Over here.

Right here. Please.

Anyone?

Please pick me.

I'm the one.

Yes...

...Ricky.

- "Ten Things I Love About Janey."

- Oh, not again.

By Ricky Lipman.

I love it when Janey talks

I love it when Janey walks

I love it when Janey drinks

I love it when Janey blinks

I love it when Janey says hi

I love it when Janey says

See you in English

I love following Janey to the mall

And I love...

...collecting strands

ofJaney's hair...

...and rolling them up

lnto little Janey hairballs

Thank you, Ricky,

for that interesting poem.

- I'm not sure we should be doing this.

- Quiet. I hear them.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes