Not Another Happy Ending Page #2

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...to be published with your name on it.

You have my notes. Fix it.

Bye then Nicola. See you at the launch.

If you try to make me cry,

I'll inform Inland Revenue about your yacht.

Hi.

Hi.

If we have to talk figures, can you do

that thing where you use vegetables?

Imagine this tomato is my cashflow.

How many new writers have you

thrown money at this year?

I only throw money at good writers.

Good Scottish writers. I'm very patriotic.

And what does it matter?

One hit pays for all the rest. And

I have a bestseller in the wings.

Jane Lockhart. Yes.

So how's the new book shaping up?

I have no idea.

She won't let me read a

word until it's finished.

Relax. It'll be just like the first one.

I read that she was moving publisher.

Klinsch & McLeish - with the

red and white covers? That's big time.

Klinsch & McLeish. You know

what they're called in the trade?

Clench and Release. They're

not right for my Jane.

- For Jane.

- So talk to her. Persuade her to stay.

But I don't want her to stay.

After she delivers her new

novel, I want her to go. Far away.

Oh for God's sake, Tom, Tristesse Books

is on the verge of compulsory liquidation.

And, I've had an offer.

Well you're a very attractive...

Shut up.

They want to invest in you.

I don't need Pandemic Media.

I have Jane Lockhart and this

time she's going all the way.

Are you sure? Because

if she doesn't deliver...

...your tomatoes look like ketchup.

She'll deliver. She may be a

miserable pain in the arse...

...but when she's writing,

she's like a guided missile.

Tea-spoon?

Willie? Willie, will you get that?

Willie.

Hello?

Thursday or Friday for the manuscript?

Grease-proof paper.

I just want to check.

You're certain it will

be finished next week?

I told you, one more chapter...

What are you doing?

Nothing.

Are you baking?

Oh my God, she's baking.

She only bakes when she's blocked.

Largest planet in the solar system?

Jupiter.

Who did Ali beat to become...

...World Heavyweight

Champion for the first time?

Sonny Liston. Come on, the quiz is gonna

be harder than this. Get serious.

Who was Shakespeare's wife?

Hi dad.

Darling.

Who was Shakespeare's wife?

Anne Hathaway.

And at the end of the third round,

the leaders are Benny Lockhart...

...and his Jets with twenty-two points.

Join us for the second half in ten minutes.

Monsieur L.

Ah Tom.

Good to see you again.

- Good to see you.

- How are you?

Aye, good. Where you been hiding?

From your daughter mostly.

Oh I understand that. Never

talked to me for years...

...but for good reason.

Hey, what you having?

Nothing. He's not staying.

Come on Jane.

What are you doing here?

My favourite author is being adapted...

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