No Mercy

May the Force be with you, spaceman.

Get the f*** out of here.

Dude drives a $50,000 wheel

and lays a cuter on me.

I can do better cleaning crap

out of cuckoo clocks.

I'm gonna take the family

out to dinner with this?

You have the wrong attitude

about this job, Eddie.

You gotta appreciate

the Zen aspects.

Zen aspect? What's a Zen aspect?

- Joey, you holding out on me?

- No.

You doing reefer, or is the old lady

on her cycle again?

Why do you ask that?

Because once a month you get

bullshit-philosophical.

It happens when you're married, Eddie.

Didn't that happen to you?

No way. I'm old-fashioned.

I'd go to the Cubs game and drink.

Miss the whole thing.

Maybe that's why you're

not married anymore.

Angles Ryan again. Third time today.

Fourth. You were in the can.

Isn't that White Fang talking to him?

He got the teeth on a postal rap.

The feds are good about dental work.

Bring it in, come on.

A little more.

Okay, put it in neutral.

You want the super wax

with the Rust-O-Protector...?

Just a regular wash.

Thank you.

Do the ashtray?

I don't smoke. Get out of here.

Going down, Joey, I know it.

If we get them after the exchange,

they'll cop possession without intent.

What are you doing?

Joey...

...I hope you appreciate the

Zen aspects of what I'm about to do.

Police!

What the f***?

What's the matter with you?

What are you doing?

Police! Open up! Open up!

Chicago Police!

Get the f*** out!

What are you, nuts?

Joey, get the bag.

Police! You're under arrest!

Put it in there!

Get that out of here!

You're gonna destroy my interior!

I'll f*** you up now, boy!

Let go, Ryan!

The keys!

Give me the goddamn keys, Ryan!

Get out of the car!

Let's go! Come on!

Let's go!

Get out of the f***ing car.

Get them up there!

You got a piece?

Down! Down!

Down! F***ing move,

and you're dead meat!

It's grass.

All we got is grass.

Rat sh*t.

Three frigging days I'm

out there washing cars.

You disrespect me with this sh*t?

- We're sending you up.

- Hard time, Ryan.

Come on. It was less than a pound.

- That is a felony, dipshit!

- You're a three-time loser.

Take it easy. Take it easy.

You guys are playing it all wrong.

One of you is supposed to be nice.

Youse both not supposed to be hard.

Hard?

You don't know hard. You're going

to the joint with the brothers.

Know what they'll do to your ass?

- Hey, a little bit of reefer was...

- Sit down!

Take it easy, will you?

You guys wanna make a deal?

All right. I'll give you something.

Let's see.

I got a record store.

They got hot TVs. They got stereos.

You give me a two-bit fence

after making me wash cars?

- You know what that does to me?

- I can think of bookies!

You're doing hard time

for pushing smoke!

Six years, minimum!

No, wait. Wait a minute!

You guys can't put me away.

I got freckles, for chrissakes!

I got something for you!

I got a hit!

They want me to kill somebody.

You?

Who's the target?

I don't know.

- Don't insult our intelligence.

- A guy from New Orleans. I swear.

Wants me to wax some guy out.

I'm supposed to meet him.

This guy, he knows your face?

This has gotta be worth something.

Where's the meeting?

Tonight at the Stockyard Inn at 9:00.

He's gonna be with a girl.

A real heart-stopper.

She's got a tattoo on her shoulder.

That's all I know.

My hat! My cigarettes! Hey!

Why don't we check out that

New Orleans guy?

Come on, I'm tired. I wanna go home.

What's so great about going home...

...finding a bongo player

in the rack with your old lady?

She's not like that.

My wife left a typewritten note

on the refrigerator...

...saying she was leaving

so she could breathe.

Last time it was on

the bathroom mirror.

Get your facts straight, Jillette.

I'm trying to share a valuable,

personal experience with you.

Don't drink my coffee

from my cup, Jillette!

I swear, I met a better

type of cop in Vice.

Crabs and gonorrhea,

that's all I worried about.

It's just a cup, Stemkowski.

Captain Stemkowski!

What are you so mad about?

I was meditating...

...feeling real good about myself.

What happens?

Car washes happen!

They say that balloon robot

was a work of art!

We gotta talk.

Why should I talk after

that chickenshit stakeout?

What do you want? Overtime?

- A hundred grand, Jillette.

- A hundred?

That's what he wants for it.

Guy wants to go to Florida and retire.

- Captain?

- Forget it!

Come on, let's do it ourselves.

Blow off some steam.

You just wanna see the broad, Jillette.

What's wrong with that, Joey?

I don't see any heart-stoppers here.

These broads still got the price tag

hanging from their nose.

Nice, nice.

There's the dickdipper

we're looking for.

Maybe she's his sister.

She's got "Born to screw"

tattooed on her forehead.

- Don't be bitter.

- Me, bitter?

- I know the secret to happiness.

- What?

A girl with freckles on her tits.

Can I help you?

You got it wrong.

Oh, of course.

Sit down.

Outside.

- We're just about to order.

- Outside.

Nice, Eddie. Nice.

You got a hard-on for this girl, so you

gotta go and jump on this guy.

You blew it.

He's looking for a Chicago shooter.

What should I do?

- Swap spit with him, blow in his ear?

- Works for me.

That's not what your wife says.

I'd be offended if you

didn't owe me money.

- You're such a romantic.

- You're the romantic one, Eddie.

That's your problem.

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