No Light and No Land Anywhere

1

[somber tone]

My dad was making a sandwich

in the kitchen.

He toasted the bread

over the stovetop.

Mustard, mayonnaise,

chicken, no lettuce.

He closed the sandwich

and walked with it

into the living room.

He turned on the television

and watched standing up,

eating his sandwich.

He ate every bite

except the corner of one crust.

He set it, almost gently,

down on the table

in front of the TV.

He dusted his hands,

freeing himself from crumbs,

and walked out the front door.

That was the last time

I saw him.

I was three.

[airplane engines whirring]

Toothbrush, phone, three books.

Five pairs of underwear,

two pairs of shoes,

one lipstick, one mascara.

The only three photos

I have from my father.

[somber music]

One sweater, one coat,

two bras, sunglasses, no hat.

Wallet, sleeping pills.

Ladies and gentlemen, we've

now dimmed the cabin light.

If you wish to read,

please use the light

in the panel above you.

Thank you.

Last known address,

three pairs of socks,

one skirt.

I've been waiting

to do this my whole life.

[door closes]

[dog barking in the distance]

[water running]

[breathing sharply]

[distant TV chatter]

[distant children playing]

[breathing deeply]

[distant playful screaming]

[distant siren wailing]

[distant car horn honks]

[bed creaking]

[helicopter blades

thrumming overhead]

[door squeaks]

[cell phone chimes]

[coins clanging]

[panting]

Mm.

[gasps]

- Hello?

- Hi.

It's Lexi.

How you doing?

I've come to America.

You're in America?

I'm in Los Angeles.

- You're joking?

- No, I'm not.

I'm here.

I fucked everything up.

Everything's gone.

I've moved out my house.

It's just so horrible

with David.

It used to be really nice,

and now it's just so horrible.

It's completely over.

I don't really have

enough money to be doing this,

so I've basically

taken everything that I've got

and I've come here.

I don't know what I'm doing.

I don't know what I'm chasing.

I mean,

I've lived all of this time

without talking to my dad.

I don't really know...

- [child babbling]

- One sec, Lexi.

- [babbling continues]

- Off you go.

Just go ask Daddy.

Go speak to Daddy.

Close the door for me, baby.

Go on. Off you go.

Give me a second.

Mommy's on the phone, okay?

- [babbling continues]

- Just go ask Daddy.

[somber music]

[birds chirping]

[dog barking in the distance]

[dog barking in the distance]

[doorbell rings]

[low jazzy music playing]

I love the light.

And the table.

[chuckles]

And the view.

Yeah.

You just don't get that

in London.

[chuckles]

I guess.

No, they're...

Open. They...

It's so open.

It's so...

Yeah. It's lovely.

When I lived

in Northern California,

I thought L.A.

was the pits, you know?

And then I moved down here,

and it was a revelation.

Anything you want to do,

you can do in L.A. somewhere.

What do you think

I should do while I'm here?

Go to the beach.

[clock ticking]

It was 20 years ago.

He and the family

had been here for dinner,

and then the next thing we knew,

he was gone.

He had just deserted them.

We really didn't want

to stay in touch with John

because we felt

he was not a very good man.

I know that you don't know

where John is...

But I've come here today

because I'm hoping

that you'll be able

to give me Ethel's address

so that I can

get in touch with her.

Maybe she knows.

[waves crashing]

[seagulls crying]

[flies buzzing]

[exhales deeply]

[gasping]

[seagulls crying]

[flies buzzing]

[somber music]

[dog barking in the distance]

[game tune playing]

[vehicle approaching]

[engine stops]

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