Nick Kroll: Thank You Very Cool

Synopsis: Nick Kroll blows the doors off of the conventional stand-up special.
 
IMDB:
5.7
Year:
2011
68 min
106 Views


LIKE, AN EARTHQUAKE,

JUST BE LIKE,

"NOT TODAY."

FOR THOSE OF YOU

WHO DON'T KNOW,

AN EARTHQUAKE,

AS A SCIENTIST SPEAKING,

IS LIKE A PLATONIC SHIFT.

SO THAT'S LIKE WHEN

ONE PART OF THE EARTH IS LIKE,

"OH, LET'S JUST BE FRIENDS."

AND THE OTHER PAR OF THE EARTH IS LIKE,

"NO, I BOUGHT YOU DINNER.

LET'S DO THIS."

I WOULD SAY TO YOU ALSO,

LIKE, I'M

NOT ONLY A SECURITY GUARD,

BUT I DO A NUMBER

OF OTHER THINGS PROFESSIONALLY.

LIKE FOR EXAMPLE,

I AM THE AUTHOR OF A NUMBER

OF EARLY STAGE PYRAMID SCHEMES.

I'M ALSO

A RECORD PRODUCER.

SO, LIKE, HIT ME UP

ON MYSPACE OR WHATEVER.

YOU CAN FIND ME:

UNDER MY DJ NAME,

WHICH IS:

DJ ORIENTAL IMMIGRANT,

BECAUSE, LIKE, I LAY DOWN

CRAZY TRACKS.

AND, LIKE,

THAT'S NOT RACIST,

'CAUSE I JERK OFF

TO ASIAN GIRLS.

SO IN A SUMMARIZATION

FINALITY:

OF WHAT I COULD BE

SAYING TO YOU,

AND I WILL SAY,

AND IT WILL BE ON MY TOMBSTONE.

IN CONCLUSION,

REMEMBER,

VODKA,

JESUS,

REVENGE.

[cheers and applause]

- TONIGHT'S SHOW IS SPONSORED

BY WEBSITES.

DO YOU LOVE THE INTERNET,

BUT YOU DON'T KNOW

WHERE TO GO ON IT?

TRY WEBSITES!

[cheers and applause]

- ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY,

WELCOME TO THE STAGE

NICK KROLL!

[cheers and applause]

- ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR FEAR.

I AM SO EXCITED:

TO BE HERE TONIGHT.

UH, I FEEL HONESTLY

LIKE THIS IS LIKE

MY SECOND BAR MITZVAH.

AND I'M HOPING

THAT THIS ENDS:

WITH A HAND JOB:

FROM A 13-YEAR-OLD GIRL AS WELL.

UH, I CAN'T THANK YOU GUYS

ENOUGH FOR COMING OUT,

AND I KNOW YOU WERE

LOOKING FOR SOME COMEDY,

AND THERE WILL BE SOME,

BUT--BUT I...

I WAS AT THE DMV YESTERDAY,

AND THERE'S, LIKE,

EVERY WALK OF LIFE IN THE DMV.

LIKE,

IT FEELS KIND OF LIKE

YOU'VE WALKED

INTO THE STAR WARS BAR.

THERE'S, LIKE, FAT ASIAN KIDS

ON LEASHES RUNNING AROUND.

SOME ALIEN PLAYING, LIKE,

FOUR ELECTRIC CLARINETS

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Nick Kroll

Nicholas Kroll (born June 5, 1978) is an American actor, comedian, writer, and producer. He is best known for his role as Rodney Ruxin in the FX/FXX comedy series The League, and for creating and starring in the Comedy Central series Kroll Show and the Netflix series Big Mouth. He has had supporting roles in films such as I Love You, Man, Date Night, Get Him to the Greek, Dinner for Schmucks, and A Good Old Fashioned Orgy and more prominent roles in films such as Adult Beginners, Joshy, My Blind Brother, Sausage Party, Loving, Sing, Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie, The House, and Uncle Drew. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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