Nick Kroll: Thank You Very Cool Page #2

Synopsis: Nick Kroll blows the doors off of the conventional stand-up special.
 
IMDB:
5.7
Year:
2011
68 min
264 Views


AT THE SAME TIME.

YANEK YAK YAK:

YANEK YAK YOW:

MY FAVORITE PERSON

I SAW THERE:

WAS THIS OLD BLACK WOMAN,

WHO WAS JUST TEACHING A BAG

OF SUNFLOWER SEEDS A LESSON.

MY FAVORITE THING

ABOUT THE DMV:

IS THAT I FEEL ENTIRELY

COMFORTABLE FARTING THERE.

NO OTHER PUBLIC PLACE

WOULD I TREA WITH SUCH DISDAIN.

I WAS STANDING ON LINE,

AND I JUST CROP-DUSTED

THE WHOLE AREA BEHIND ME.

LIKE THE NIGHT BEFORE,

I HAD EATEN, LIKE,

A TUNA OREO PARMESAN.

AND THEN I HAD, LIKE,

A BUNCH OF SHOTS OF RAIL VODKA.

I CAME HOME:

AND WAS LIKE,

"WHAT'S A NICE MIDNIGHT SNACK?

BRISKET AND YOGURT."

AND I WAKE UP:

LATE THE NEXT MORNING FOR WORK,

GRAB, LIKE, A HANDFUL

OF ALMONDS,

LIKE, "THAT'S BREAKFAST,"

AND THEN, NUT FARTS

ALL DAY LONG.

AND SO I JUST GET ON LINE,

AND I JUST NAPALMED 'EM.

LIKE,

A LITTLE VIETNAMESE GIRL

COULD HAVE RUN OU ON FIRE.

LIKE, IF A PHOTOGRAPHER

HAD BEEN THERE,

HE WOULD HAVE WON

A PULITZER.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?

AND SO THE WOMAN

BEHIND ME WAS LIKE,

"WELL, I NEVER."

AND I WAS LIKE, "PAY

YOUR PARKING TICKETS ON TIME?

THAT'S WHY YOU GOTTA SMELL

MY NUT FARTS!"

OKAY.

I LOVE HIP-HOP.

I LOVE, LIKE,

MID-'90s HIP-HOP,

LIKE TUPAC AND BIGGIE,

RIGHT?

- WHOO!

- WHOO! GIVE IT UP

FOR WHITE PEOPLE!

DRIVES ME CRAZY:

THAT THOSE DUDES GOT KILLED,

AND WE NEVER FIGURED OU WHO DID IT.

NOT FUNNY...

YET.

JUST GIVE IT,

LIKE, 30 SECONDS.

IT'S CRAZY TO ME THAT TUPAC

AND BIGGIE GOT KILLED,

AND WE NEVER FIGURED OU WHO DID IT.

AND I'M LIKE,

YOU KNOW WHAT,

WE'VE BEEN GOING AT I THE WRONG WAY.

LIKE, WHO STOOD TO PROFI THE MOST FROM THEIR DEATHS?

AND THAT'S WHEN I REALIZE

THAT IT WAS THE AIRBRUSH

PORTRAIT ARTISTS.

AND I WOULD NOT BE SURPRISED

IF THE HUGE:

DENIM JACKET INDUSTRY

HAD SOMETHING:

TO DO WITH IT AS WELL.

- CLEAR A PATH!

YOU OKAY?

- CAN I JUST HAVE

A GLASS OF WHITE WINE?

- ACTUALLY, UH,

ONCE THE SHOW STARTS,

WE DON'T SERVE

ANYMORE ALCOHOL.

- OH, CRAP.

- WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?

- CAN WE AT LEAST HAVE

TWO EMPTY MARTINI GLASSES?

OR IS THAT ALSO ILLEGAL,

DICK CHENEY?

- TOPICAL.

- AND NOW A, UH,

BOTTLE OF VODKA, PLEASE.

- THIS IS A TV TAPING,

SO THERE ARE RULES

ABOUT ALCOHOL.

- ARE YOU JOKING ME?

WE GOT WASTED:

AT THAT WEBSTER TV TAPING

WE WENT TO.

- FROM WHAT I REMEMBER,

WEBSTER WAS A SHOW

ABOUT A SMALL BLACK MAN

WHO'S OWNED BY

TWO REGULAR-SIZE WHITE PEOPLE.

- HE WASN'T OWNED,

YOU WEIRD LIBERAL RACIST.

- WHOA!

- 'SCUSE ME.

- WE ARE NOT RACISTS.

TELL HIM, GIL.

- I STALKED PHYLICIA RASHAD

FOR THREE MONTHS.

- A JUDGE HAD TO GET INVOLVED.

- SO...

- LOOK, YOU GUYS, I'M SORRY

FOR GIVING YOU SUCH A HARD TIME.

IT'S JUST THAT I'M GOING

THROUGH PROBLEMS WITH MY GIRL.

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Nick Kroll

Nicholas Kroll (born June 5, 1978) is an American actor, comedian, writer, and producer. He is best known for his role as Rodney Ruxin in the FX/FXX comedy series The League, and for creating and starring in the Comedy Central series Kroll Show and the Netflix series Big Mouth. He has had supporting roles in films such as I Love You, Man, Date Night, Get Him to the Greek, Dinner for Schmucks, and A Good Old Fashioned Orgy and more prominent roles in films such as Adult Beginners, Joshy, My Blind Brother, Sausage Party, Loving, Sing, Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie, The House, and Uncle Drew. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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