Nice Guy Johnny Page #2

- Yeah, I noticed

all the fine ass on the street.

- I actually don't think you did,

because there's a bevy of horny honeys

out there and you know what they want?

- What do they want?

- They want their pound of flesh.

And you know who they're expecting

to give it to them?

- Who are they expecting's

gonna give it to them?

- You.

- Me? No, you!

You can, okay? Be my guest.

I'm not that guy.

Besides, Claire and I

have been together since college.

I love her.

- Whoa, whoa.

You have been with the same chick

since college?

- Yeah. You met her, actually,

at my graduation party.

- This is heartbreaking, Johnny.

That is the only piece of ass

you've had since then?

- Okay, she's not a piece of ass.

All right? That's my fiance.

- Fine.

My apologies, all right?

- Okay.

- But here's what your Uncle Terry

is gonna do for you this weekend.

All right, a little wedding gift for you.

I'm gonna take you out,

get you some strange.

- No, I don't really need

that wedding gift. I'm good, thanks.

- How about I get you a BJ, then.

I know some chick--

- BJ!?

No BJ! No. All right?

Claire takes care of me.

- Fine.

All right... Here's a thought instead.

You're going out to your mother's

for lunch tomorrow, right?

- Right...

- So what do you say

you let me drive you out there,

afterwards, we'll power out

to the Hamptons

for the weekend?

- It sounds like fun,

uncle Terry. It does.

It's just...

I got some errands

I told Claire I would run.

- Wh-what kind of errands

do you have to run for Claire?

- She wants me to pick up

a handbag, or something,

at some special shop downtown.

- Okay, my man, that settles it.

I am picking you up at your hotel,

tomorrow morning.

- I know what you're trying to do,

Uncle Terry,

and I'm not interested, okay?

- Wait, you're not interested

in spending a little quality time

with your uncle?

What would you rather do?

You're gonna spend two days

in your shitty hotel room and do what?

I'm offended, man.

- Okay, you don't stop, do you?

Thank you for the drink.

I appreciate it.

- Look, I wanna spend

a little time with my nephew!

That such a bad thing?

- Next time. Okay?

I'm gonna take the train to my mom's,

then I'm gonna get some rest.

- What better way to get some rest

than to hang poolside with your uncle?

Listen to me,

I'm not taking no for an answer.

- All right. Okay. 9:00 a.m.?

- Let's make it 10:00, all right?

Just to be safe.

And do me a favour, lose the hat, okay?

You're too young to get married,

and too old for that f***ing hat.

- Right. Thank you.

I'll see you tomorrow, all right?

- There he is!

What do you say, buddy?

- What's going on?

- How you doing, man?

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