New Girl Page #2

Season #1
Synopsis: After going through a rough breakup, awkward and upbeat Jess (Zooey Deschanel) moves in with three single guys. Intelligent and witty Nick is an underachiever who took the bartender off-ramp on his road to success. Schmidt obsesses over his social standing and looks at Jess as a personal project. Winston is a competitive former athlete who, after realizing he will never become a pro, moves into the loft. Together with Jess' best friend, Cece, they bond to form an unlikely, and dysfunctional, family.
Genre: Comedy
Year:
2011
5,926 Views


GUY:

Weeeell. Full disclosure. I’m

definitely a morning person.

BACK TO LOFT:

NICK:

We’re desperate. Our buddy moved

out three weeks ago.

JESS:

I’m sorry, I don’t think-

SCHMIDT:

Wait, you’re telling me you had no

idea that guy was cheating on you?

JESS:

No. I told you. And I don’t really

want to talk about it-

SCHMIDT:

Did he lose a lot of socks?

JESS:

Yeah. So?

7.

SCHMIDT:

Where do you think those sockswere?

JESS:

I don’t... oh.

NICK:

Did he take his phone into thebathroom?

JESS:

He thought it was rude to talk atthe table.

COACH:

How many showers did he take a day?

JESS:

Two. One after the... gym.

NICK:

Whose idea was it to move in

together?

JESS:

Well, my lease was up, so...

They all stare at her.

NICK:

(softly)

Keyser Soze!

JESS:

Oh my god. You guys are geniuses.

NICK:

No. We’re guys.

SCHMIDT:

Come take a look at my room.

(then)

Wow. I’ve never said that to a girland not meant sex.

As they’re walking away...

JESS:

So, wait, my boyfriend took thisclass on Chinese Tea Ceremonies

every Thursday....

As Nick shakes his head, cut to:

8.

QUICK SHOTS:

Jess moves in her boxes, while crying uncontrollably.

JESS (V.O.)

In the words of Kanye West, breakups

are hard.

INT. THE LOFT. MORNING. ANOTHER DAY.

Jess wears a large flannel and jeggings. She is cutting up anapple at the table with Nick and Coach.

JESS (V.O.)

Just when you think you haveeverything under control, youdon’t...

Nick watches with Coach. Nick hands her a banana.

NICK:

Banana?

JESS:

(breaking into sobs)

My. Life. Is. A. Lie.

NICK:

When she cries, it sort of sounds

like Rihanna.

JESS:

(crying, like Rihanna)

Eh! Eh! Eh!

INT. THE LOFT. ANOTHER DAY.

Jess is in front of the TV watching “Pretty Woman,” dippingSaltines in fried rice. She’s in a sort-of trance. Nick,

Schmidt, and Coach watch from the table.

SCHMIDT:

She’s watched that movie seven

times. I know all the lines now. I

don’t want to know the lines to

“Pretty Woman.” What if I’m talkingto a girl and all of a sudden I’m

just like, “Ohh, I’m not wearing

pantyhose!”

9.

COACH:

She ate all the food I have stashed

in the couch.

NICK:

You have food stashed in the couch?

COACH:

Yeah. Obvi.

INT. THE LOFT. ANOTHER NIGHT.

Schmidt comes home from a night out, making out with a HOTGIRL in the doorway. Suddenly, the girl stops making out withSchmidt and sees Jess watching “Pretty Woman” in the dark.

HOT GIRL:

Oo, I love “Pretty Woman”!

The girl runs to the couch and sits next to Jess, leavingSchmidt standing there.

REVEAL Coach sitting on the couch next to them reciting allthe lines, as if in a trance.

COACH:

Rate this script:4.0 / 1 vote

Elizabeth Meriwether

Elizabeth Hughes Meriwether is an American writer, producer and television showrunner. She is known for creating the Fox sitcom New Girl, and for writing the play Oliver Parker! and the romantic comedy film No Strings Attached. She also created the ABC sitcoms Single Parents and Bless This Mess. more…

All Elizabeth Meriwether scripts | Elizabeth Meriwether Scripts

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Submitted by acronimous on September 22, 2019

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