New Girl Page #2
Season #1- Year:
- 2011
- 5,926 Views
GUY:
Weeeell. Full disclosure. I’m
definitely a morning person.
BACK TO LOFT:
NICK:
We’re desperate. Our buddy moved
JESS:
I’m sorry, I don’t think-
SCHMIDT:
Wait, you’re telling me you had no
idea that guy was cheating on you?
JESS:
No. I told you. And I don’t really
want to talk about it-
SCHMIDT:
Did he lose a lot of socks?
JESS:
Yeah. So?
7.
SCHMIDT:
Where do you think those sockswere?
JESS:
I don’t... oh.
NICK:
Did he take his phone into thebathroom?
JESS:
He thought it was rude to talk atthe table.
COACH:
How many showers did he take a day?
JESS:
Two. One after the... gym.
NICK:
Whose idea was it to move in
together?
JESS:
Well, my lease was up, so...
They all stare at her.
NICK:
(softly)
Keyser Soze!
JESS:
Oh my god. You guys are geniuses.
NICK:
No. We’re guys.
SCHMIDT:
Come take a look at my room.
(then)
Wow. I’ve never said that to a girland not meant sex.
As they’re walking away...
JESS:
So, wait, my boyfriend took thisclass on Chinese Tea Ceremonies
every Thursday....
As Nick shakes his head, cut to:
8.
QUICK SHOTS:
Jess moves in her boxes, while crying uncontrollably.
JESS (V.O.)
In the words of Kanye West, breakups
are hard.
INT. THE LOFT. MORNING. ANOTHER DAY.
Jess wears a large flannel and jeggings. She is cutting up anapple at the table with Nick and Coach.
JESS (V.O.)
Just when you think you haveeverything under control, youdon’t...
Nick watches with Coach. Nick hands her a banana.
NICK:
Banana?
JESS:
(breaking into sobs)
My. Life. Is. A. Lie.
NICK:
When she cries, it sort of sounds
like Rihanna.
JESS:
(crying, like Rihanna)
Eh! Eh! Eh!
Jess is in front of the TV watching “Pretty Woman,” dippingSaltines in fried rice. She’s in a sort-of trance. Nick,
Schmidt, and Coach watch from the table.
SCHMIDT:
She’s watched that movie seven
times. I know all the lines now. I
don’t want to know the lines to
“Pretty Woman.” What if I’m talkingto a girl and all of a sudden I’m
just like, “Ohh, I’m not wearing
pantyhose!”
9.
COACH:
She ate all the food I have stashed
in the couch.
NICK:
You have food stashed in the couch?
COACH:
Yeah. Obvi.
Schmidt comes home from a night out, making out with a HOTGIRL in the doorway. Suddenly, the girl stops making out withSchmidt and sees Jess watching “Pretty Woman” in the dark.
HOT GIRL:
Oo, I love “Pretty Woman”!
The girl runs to the couch and sits next to Jess, leavingSchmidt standing there.
REVEAL Coach sitting on the couch next to them reciting allthe lines, as if in a trance.
COACH:
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