Nature Calls Page #2

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was a pretty special moment.

RANDY:
As a special surprise

for tonight's meeting

and for the cam pout this weekend,

yours truly managed to procure

the founder and scoutmaster

of this very troop,

my father and scoutmaster,

Stuart Stevens!

[ Applause]

Where's your uniform, Kent?

Mommy says I don't have to wear

that bullshit outfit if I don't want to.

Okay. First off, it's not bullshit,

and secondly, you have to wear it

if you're gonna go

camping this weekend.

KENT:
Screw camping!

Especially in that crap-ass

church parking lot.

Why are you a scout, Kent?

For my rsum.

You got a rsum?

Yes. Do you?

I can't go this weekend either.

What? Tibbits, no.

This is for your Lifesaving badge

advancement.

My mom said I should

go to a sleepover instead.

Sorry, Randy. I'm not going neither.

- Gary!

- Prior obligations.

Dude, you're eight years old.

What kind of obligations you got?

Slumber party.

Guys, camping is a slumber party.

Are you still gonna do

magic tricks tonight?

No. No. Dismissed.

TIBBITS:

Wait. We can go home early?

Yes! Go! All right?

Troop dismissed!

All right, Randy, take a breath.

This is ridiculous, you know?

I know that camping in the parking lot

is lame, okay?

I know that,

but these moms! It's...

They won't let the kids

more than five miles from the house.

Gary's mom insists he has at least

three bars of cell phone service

and access to a flush toilet.

You know, when Stuart started this troop,

he had 90 scouts.

What about

the little African immigrant?

Yeah, what about your nephew?

Why doesn't he come?

My brothefs not into it.

Have you showed them

the recruitment video?

I don't want to

show them that video.

Randy, first

you sell the kids on this,

then you get the kids to sell the dads.

It's called up-selling.

Double teaming.

EDDIE:

You gotta think like a CEO, man.

We shouldn't

have to show them this video.

They should want to do it!

Hey, look, they're kids, man.

You gotta sell them on stuff.

That's how it works. You gotta do

the yickety-yickety-yickety, man.

Or otherwise, I'm gonna

tell you something, Randy,

we might as well just go ahead

and do something else, okay?

We are taking

my father camping.

Randy. Randy, chill, all right?

Just take a break, right?

Re-evaluate, man.

We're going camping.

We are not abandoning you.

We're going if it's just us and him

in the parking lot!

Right. Right. Right.

So you tell me,

without the boys,

how is that scouting, man?

[police show gunfire blaring on TV]

KIRK:

Ah, you've gotta be kidding me, man!

- Those effects are so cheap.

- GENTRY:
Cheap!

- So obviously fake.

- Totally fake.

KIRK:
Every time you see a guy

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