National Lampoon Presents Dorm Daze Page #2

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my books in here?

I don't know. I didn't see them.

But you can look if you want.

I'm on the way

to the gym, okay? Bye, baby.

"Britney, hope this

takes care of things.

Call me if you need

anything else. Lorenzo."

- Yeah?

- Lorenzo?

Hey. no names.

So. you got the package?

- Yeah, it's just--

- Cool.

We're square. right?

We're good?

I think there's been

some kind of mix-up.

What are you saying?

Is there a problem?

Well, yeah. The bag isn't--

You know what? We shouldn't

talk over the phone.

Meet me at the university arboretum

in 15 minutes.

- Yeah, but--

- Center bench.

So, you lost

all your money in Vegas?

I had a system, you know?

- But it didn't work.

- Right.

- Then Beth broke up with me.

- 'Cause you lost all your money?

I lost all her money, too.

Whatever. Then there's

the thing with the cat.

I don't even wanna hear about the cat.

- It was an accident.

- I'm sure it was.

That's in the past, man. What time

are you gonna be done with work?

I'm done at 6:
00.

Just hang out at my dorm.

It's co-ed. You'll like it.

No one's gonna bother me, right?

I'm really not in the mood

for conversation. Just wanna chill out.

Pete, can you do me a big favor?

Tell Foosball my foreign exchange

student doesn't speak English well.

Foosball, no English. Cool.

I gotta get to work.

Come on, let's go.

Britney.

Lorenzo?

What's the problem?

You're expecting more?

Well, it's just that l...

What? Don't wanna talk in public?

I understand.

Got someplace private we can go?

- Yeah, like a restaurant?

- No, like private.

Listen, there's something

I have to tell you--

I think that guy

right there's watching us.

Let's go.

This is your target.

You seem a little nervous.

I understand. You're worried

about your performance.

But you know what?

I have a fail-safe cure for that.

I wasn't gonna

share this with you,

but what's

an older brother for, right?

This is my beat-off rag.

I've been beating off with this

since I was in sixth grade.

I've never washed it, either.

It brings me luck.

- Oh, God, no!

- Oh, Booker, yes.

- Before Dominique gets here--

- Who's Dominique?

Your whore, you idiot.

Did you lose your virginity

to a hooker?

Hell, no.

I don't have to pay for it.

But Dominique comes

highly recommended,

so I'll probably do her

once you're done.

I want you to jerk off with this

before she gets here, okay?

I call it Susie. Trust me,

you are gonna be a stallion. Take it.

No!

Don't be such a girl.

It's just semen! Take it!

What the hell was that?

Nothing.

- What's up?

- I think that rag cut me.

Can I get my copy

of Steel Magnolias back?

Hey, guys.

This is my friend Cliff.

He's from France,

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