National Lampoon's Gold Diggers Page #2

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I missed it by this much.

Patten, that son of a b*tch,

kept me in Newark

Distributing how to

avoid V.D. Pamphlets.

You're a sick, twisted freak!

A liar, and athief!

And you're mean.

Howdare you insult

aworld war ii veteran?

Who almost died for his

country ifhe would've fought.

Howmany times is someone

Gonna point a gun at me this week?

You'll pay forthis,

you son of a b*tch!

Yeah. that's what Hitler said.

Look where he is now--

Burnt up to his ass!

He needs so much therapy.

We're gonnawind up in one of

those state-run nursing homes

With one of those sadistic nurses

Giving us high colonicsjust for laughs.

Couldn't we take out

a second on the house?

We already took out a

second, athird, afourth.

Really?

I should've married Bruce

when I had the chance,

And you should've married Julian.

They were 93y-

We never should've

introduced them to each other.

I don't wanna end up in

one of those homes, Betty.

Who does?

Let's go home.

Stop!

Oh, god, did I hit another oat?

I've got it.

What?

The answerto all our problems.

Hey!

Which one of you scumbags

is Menhoffer and Smallwood?

Looks like your

luck's about to change.

We're being transferred

to a mental institution?

The charges against you both

were dropped this morning.

Oh. those two helpless old

ladies you guys tried to murder--

they left you this.

Did hejust say murder?

Oh...take awhiff, Len. Take awhiff.

Mmm. Smells like paper.

What's it say?

Oh, man...

Oh, mama...

You're not gonna believe this!

Lenny...

Say your good-byes to

these pathetic losers

'cause they just got cheated

out of the best two asses

In the whole damn prison.

Guard?

Guard?

Are you sure this is

the right address?

Yeah. Yeah, this is it, all right.

I got a bad feeling about this.

Hey, wait!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Where you goin'? Where you goin'?

Come on. Take your

skirt off, baby. Let's go.

Ifsjust two nice old ladies, huh?

Just two...filthy rich, nice old ladies.

I guess they did drop the charges.

That's right. And they

invited us to brunch.

You think to apologize?

It's the least they can do.

Bonjou r.

Uh, we're here to see Miss Mundt

And Miss Mundt.

Door's open, fellas.

Shake ifofiand come on in.

Shake what off? How'd you

like a punch in the mouth?

Go ahead.

You go ahead. Go ahead.

(this could be the start

of something big playing)

Oh, man...

Is this place cool orvvhat?

You're lookin'in someone's eyes

You suddenly realize

that this could be the

start of something big

Can you even begin to imagine

the kind of erotic

parties I could throw

In a joint like this?

Betty:
hey-

You two little jailbirds.

Is that them?

I think so.

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