National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation Page #2

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Word is you're an excellent choice

to be named...

...Food Additive Designer of the Year.

- Nah...

- I'm not kidding.

What's that new thing you got

over there at Food 'N' Dry?

The crunch enhancer?

That's a non-nutritive cereal varnish.

It's semi-permeable. It's not osmotic.

What it does is,

it coats and seals the flake.

It prevents the milk from penetrating it.

Yeah, it's a beautiful product.

I like it.

What are you gonna do

with that big bonus check?

You're gonna blow it on yourself, I hope.

Me? Heck, no.

Take a look at this.

I just hope my Christmas bonus check

will cover it.

Oh, my God. You're putting in a pool.

I went ahead and I put

a $7,500 deposit down on it.

You're the last true family man.

Mark.

Clark.

That's Bill, sir.

Are you the one who's working

on that non-nutritive cereal varnish?

Yes, sir.

I've got to give a speech to a trade group.

I'd like to mention it.

Write up a brief summary

and have it to me by the end of the day.

My pleasure.

Layman's terms. None of that inside,

bullshit jargon that nobody understands.

Yes, sir.

Oh, Mr. Shirley...

We got your Christmas card

the other day, and...

...my family and I are very flattered

that you remembered us.

Corporate cards.

Don't forget that report, Bill.

Yes, sir. Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas. Kiss my ass.

Kiss his ass. Kiss your ass.

Happy Hanukkah.

Can I show you something?

I was just smelling... smiling.

I was blouse... browsing.

For your wife or girlfriend?

What? What happened?

I guess it wouldn't be any...

It wouldn't be

the Christmas shopping season...

...if the stores were any less hooter

than they... Hotter than they are.

It is warm in here.

- When you have your coat on.

- Do I?

- How did that happen?

- Because it's cold out.

Yes. Yes.

It is. It's a bit nipply out.

I mean, nippy out.

What am I saying? Nipple?

There is a nip in the air, though.

Can I take something out for you?

I was just, uh...

I was looking at something for my wife.

God rest her soul.

Oh, God, I'm so sorry.

Oh, no, no, she's not dead, yet.

We're just divorced.

She's history.

Obviously, she doesn't wear underwear...

...there are plenty of shopping days

left until adultery... adulthood.

Which is to say, Christmas,

as in Yule. Yule log.

Not a log. I don't have a log, but I mean,

you know...

...if I had a log. Not in the sense

you think I said I did.

Good golly.

'Tis the season to be merry.

Well, that's my name.

No sh*t.

These are cut really high on the hip.

Look, I'm wearing something similar.

See? You can't see the line.

- You can't see the line, can you, Russ?

- No.

Look, Daddy, teacher says

every time a bell rings...

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