Nate Bargatze: Full Time Magic Page #2
- TV-14
- Year:
- 2015
- 64 min
- 340 Views
Every one was outside.
We wouldn't even meet
inside the building.
We would just meet
'cause our teacher was like,
"Well, you guys
will all be working outside."
[laughter]
about weather, you know,
"and, like, we're gonna
"how to get your socks wet.
pretty early
"the rest of your life.
"I hope you guys like sunrises,
because you're gonna see
a lot of 'em."
That's what remedial classes
are for.
They're a heads-up that
The assignments--
our teacher'd be like,
"All right,
so today's assignment is,
we're gonna help me move,
so..."
[laughter and applause]
It's--
[laughs]
I'm, like--
I'm pretty dumb.
I'm--like, you know,
I tell people I'm dumb.
I'm like, "Hey, I'm dumb."
And--but no one goes,
like, "Okay."
They're just always like,
"I bet you're not dumb."
And you're like, "Well, I'm
trying to help you out here.
"Uh, we're about
to have a conversation,
so I'm just trying
to give you a heads-up."
[laughter]
Here's a story--
I can prove it--
if I need to--
like I got to prove it.
Like, everybody's like,
"Now, we--yeah, you know.
We don't need proof."
Here's my proof,
is, when I was 15,
my first job was, in Nashville,
We used to have
an amusement park,
and I was working,
and this couple sits down,
and we start talking and stuff.
I was like, "I'm Nate."
And the guy's like,
"I'm John.
This is my wife, Jane,"
and they--
their last name was Doe.
So it was John and Jane Doe.
And I was just like,
"That's the craziest thing."
Like, what are the odds
of that, you know?
Like, that's so crazy.
Couldn't believe it.
Cut to earlier this year.
I'm 35, I'm driving,
and I'm thinking
about John and Jane Doe.
And, you know,
I was like,
"I bet they were lying
to me about that."
[laughter and applause]
That's how long it took--
20 years--
for me to catch on to a joke
they wouldn't remember saying.
I don't think
They'd be like,
"Maybe we did that."
Well, it worked.
It worked so good.
I tried to--
'cause I was, like, "Maybe
they're not lying," you know?
"I'll find 'em
and go talk to 'em."
But I am sad to report
they were murdered.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, it's not good.
Yep.
[applause]
It's--
Like, I think of it like--
like time traveling.
Like, if I could go back
in time--
like, if I could go
back in time tonight
and go back to, like,
the '20s,
knowing everything
I know right now,
I don't think
I would make a difference.
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"Nate Bargatze: Full Time Magic" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 28 Mar. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/nate_bargatze:_full_time_magic_14501>.
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