My Name Is Lenny Page #2

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How's Douglas Haig, then, eh?

Are you still farting mackerel?

You two still on speaking terms?

Already been half poisoned.

Empty as a whore's handbag.

- Who poisoned him?

- Reenie.

Left a bucket of Gordon's

out on the side again.

Silly moo.

Doggy drunk himself half to death.

They found him in a skip,

Wednesday week and he's...

Alright now. He's great.

Look at the smile on him.

He ain't smiling, old timer.

Look at him, his lip sticks out.

Better top up his sherry, then, boy.

Always calms him down.

Get me a pint while you're there.

You ain't bought a drink since

the Blitz, have you?

I ain't had any rump since

then, neither.

Shrapnel blew me bollocks off.

Here, show Lenny your letter

from the Queen.

Say, Carrots,

he was in the Somme, Leslie.

I know.

And you came back with what,

half a plastic leg,

four bouts of syphilis

and someone else's dignity, didn't you?

Yeah, and I would do it all

again if I had half a chance.

- Beautiful, Bobby.

- Oh, thank you very much, gentlemen.

Thank you, Leslie.

Thank you, Carrots.

He's a sociable man.

Never leave your children unattended

with him, mind you.

Alright.

How about I get us another?

It's alright.

Play on, play on.

Now, what are you having, boy?

Oh, Treble rum, please, Reenie.

What about you, Carrots?

I'll have two jars of ale.

Tepid or warm?

Reenie, if you was 50 years younger,

I would dive straight up you.

You dizzy queen, I'm 49.

Life ain't been too kind,

has it, Treacle, hey?

You will find out soon enough.

Me and Reenie was pulling

babies out the rubble in the Blitz.

Why do you think

I'm still here every day?

Cos every day is a gift,

that's why they call it the present.

You alright?

Guv'nor.

Your dad is dead!

I said I'm the f***ing guv'nor!

He's a right raving nutcase,

that Roy, sure.

Yeah, well,

I am a more raving nutcase.

Oh, let it go, lad.

He's been committed, you ain't.

Not yet.

Roy Shaw

did a chunk in Broadmoor.

Nutted himself out of a cell.

They said he was

blind drunk on Largactil.

They tampered with him.

They gave him electroshock treatment

to control his temper.

Then they said

his ears was burning,

so they pumped him

full of Bavarian ginseng.

Even the Krays

gave him a right wide berth

when they ghosted him

out to Parkhurst.

He robs banks and breaks

bricks with his nut.

I seen him do it live

at the Monday Club.

He's insane.

And he speaks in tongues.

Right. Well, I know what I'm

going to do then.

I'm gonna knock him spark out

and be back in here for lunch.

- Carrots!

- There's a boy.

Ding, ding.

Where is he, then?

Good luck, Lenny.

What?

I'll give you a score.

He will need it.

- You alright, son?

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