My Favorite Five Page #2

that's great in one area,

He sucks in all the others.

You see, that's your problem.

You can't find everything

you need in one person.

Why not?

That's like... needing

the capacity of a minivan

But wanting the sexiness

of a convertible.

Well, I refuse to compromise.

Know what? You shouldn't.

I don't.

Welcome to the grid.

- Mm.

- What is this?

Man has five needs...

Sex, attraction...

No.

Aren't they the same thing?

No, your best sex

may be with somebody

You need to put a bag

over their head.

Then why have sex with them?

Clearly, you are not a man.

Here.

What is this?

It's my new audio book...

"My favorite five."

I'm working on

the female version next.

Really?

- "My favorite five"?

- Yeah.

You're crazy.

You know that, right?

No, am I? Am I crazy?

Okay, why did every primitive

society have multiple partners?

How can one person

be good at everything?

Hailey, you're literally

trying to find perfection

Or only settle for a couple

of your needs being met.

Ah. Mnh-mnh.

But I'm the crazy one, right?

Ew.

I got to go.

You're not gonna pay for lunch?

No. I owe you.

Just like a man.

As homo sapiens,

We were never meant to be

monogamous.

Living in that

abhorrently dysfunctional state

Only keeps us miserable

and underachieved.

After having

your sexual needs met,

And you need to be with someone

Who simply makes you drool,

Next you must find someone

to meet that spiritual need.

This would be your soul mate.

Not sex mate.

That's someone else.

Soul mate.

Hello, ladies.

What can I get for you tonight?

Oh, let's see.

Tonight, I have Peter.

Um, I'll have the, uh,

Rosemary chicken, please.

Great. For you?

I'll have the thai pasta salad.

Thai pasta.

All right.

It's coming right up.

Who is Peter?

And why does he determine

what you'll have for lunch?

I call him the back breaker.

I'm gonna need all my strength.

Oh, you're ridiculous!

Don't hate me

Because you are desperate

and I am pleasantly scandalous.

I can teach you.

Mm. I just got Eric fixed.

I'll just end up breaking him

all over again.

Besides, that karma

you're playing with is a b*tch.

No, I don't believe in karma,

And I don't believe in being

constrained by social hypocrisy.

No, you believe in being a ho.

Socially, it is fine

For a man to have

more than one woman,

But 100 years ago,

it was perfectly normal

For women to date

multiple suitors.

Really? Let's see.

You have to check your calendar

Just to see

who you're screwing tonight.

Oh, yeah, that's real normal.

Well, being with one man

isn't normal.

It's like wearing the same dress

for 20 years.

Everyone was created

for someone else.

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