My Dead Boyfriend Page #2

Synopsis: Mary's life has been defined by a string of temp jobs and a half-hearted attempt to become a writer, but all that changes when she comes home to find her couch potato boyfriend dead in front of the TV set.
 
IMDB:
4.7
Metacritic:
25
Rotten Tomatoes:
0%
R
Year:
2016
90 min
43 Views


to Primo's failure.

"No doctor can calm the pain.

"Not even soothing balm

has been discovered

"to relieve

the inflamed affections

of a brusquarily

uncoupled lover."

I was positive "brusquarily"

wasn't a real word,

but by the end of the evening,

none of it mattered.

I was crashing and burning.

Primo was a man

I was essentially drawn to

because of the strange disdain

I had for him.

Freud was right.

Desire lies on the other side

of repugnance.

And then there was the kiss.

On that night alone

six months ago

in the Double Down Saloon,

Primo Schultz gave 110%

and was a great kisser.

Six months of sloth, selfishness

and channel surfing would follow

as I waited

for one more perfect kiss.

But that was it.

His finest hour

in the first few minutes.

It would never come again.

The terrific con

of a typical man

who left me

with only one great evening.

Mary! I'll take that.

Mary, come here.

Take that.

Why do they keep the wine so

far in the back of these things?

Honey, that's easy. To keep

the freeloaders like us away.

Wait a second.

What happened?

You sounded so crazy serious

on the phone.

I had

the worst date last night.

Super cute, but beyond dull.

I had to self-roofie myself

with vodka shots just so I can

f*** him. Okay, tell me.

Guess what I have in common

with 65% of New York

and 40% of America.

Oh, this was in Cosmo, right?

You're... you're unemployed.

Forty percent of America?

That would be

a Third World country.

Actually I am unemployed,

so you get half a point.

But guess again.

You're severely depressed.

That's six percent of America.

You're illiterate

and suffer voter apathy.

What, you never floss?

I don't know.

I'm single.

You dumped Primo?

Not exactly.

Primo dumped you?

Sort of.

Hey, what kind of lipstick

were you wearing

the other day at Mars Bar?

Uh, it was

Righteous Raspberry.

Wait a second. What happened?

He died.

What?! Who?

Primo. Primo Schultz.

Do you want his dog?

I'm allergic.

Excusez-moi.

Did I hear you mention

the name Primo Schultz?

Yeah.

Oh!

What a beautiful man.

How is he?

Less beautiful.

He was mon amour

nearly 20 years ago.

Twenty years?

Mm. Did you go to prom together?

We studied at Columbia,

but we met abroad

in Bologna for a semester.

Primo had a formal education?

It must be a different

Primo Schultz.

Well, he did drop out

after a year, but...

Ah, well,

that sounds like our boy.

He couldn't have been in

Columbia in the '70s because...

Yeah, he's like 39 and a half.

Primo?

I thought he was 37.

Non, c'est pas possible.

He has to be less than

a year of 45.

Ooh, Merde, I've got to run.

I've got two minutes

to get the Koons

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Billy Morrissette

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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