My Dead Boyfriend Page #2
- R
- Year:
- 2016
- 90 min
- 43 Views
to Primo's failure.
"No doctor can calm the pain.
"Not even soothing balm
has been discovered
"to relieve
the inflamed affections
of a brusquarily
uncoupled lover."
I was positive "brusquarily"
wasn't a real word,
but by the end of the evening,
none of it mattered.
I was crashing and burning.
Primo was a man
I was essentially drawn to
because of the strange disdain
I had for him.
Freud was right.
Desire lies on the other side
of repugnance.
And then there was the kiss.
On that night alone
six months ago
in the Double Down Saloon,
Primo Schultz gave 110%
and was a great kisser.
Six months of sloth, selfishness
and channel surfing would follow
as I waited
for one more perfect kiss.
But that was it.
His finest hour
in the first few minutes.
The terrific con
of a typical man
who left me
with only one great evening.
Mary! I'll take that.
Mary, come here.
Take that.
Why do they keep the wine so
far in the back of these things?
Honey, that's easy. To keep
the freeloaders like us away.
Wait a second.
What happened?
on the phone.
I had
the worst date last night.
Super cute, but beyond dull.
I had to self-roofie myself
with vodka shots just so I can
f*** him. Okay, tell me.
Guess what I have in common
with 65% of New York
and 40% of America.
Oh, this was in Cosmo, right?
You're... you're unemployed.
Forty percent of America?
That would be
Actually I am unemployed,
so you get half a point.
But guess again.
You're severely depressed.
That's six percent of America.
You're illiterate
What, you never floss?
I don't know.
I'm single.
You dumped Primo?
Not exactly.
Primo dumped you?
Sort of.
Hey, what kind of lipstick
were you wearing
the other day at Mars Bar?
Uh, it was
Righteous Raspberry.
Wait a second. What happened?
He died.
What?! Who?
Primo. Primo Schultz.
Do you want his dog?
I'm allergic.
Excusez-moi.
Did I hear you mention
the name Primo Schultz?
Yeah.
Oh!
What a beautiful man.
How is he?
Less beautiful.
He was mon amour
nearly 20 years ago.
Twenty years?
Mm. Did you go to prom together?
We studied at Columbia,
but we met abroad
in Bologna for a semester.
Primo had a formal education?
It must be a different
Primo Schultz.
Well, he did drop out
after a year, but...
Ah, well,
that sounds like our boy.
He couldn't have been in
Columbia in the '70s because...
Yeah, he's like 39 and a half.
Primo?
I thought he was 37.
Non, c'est pas possible.
He has to be less than
a year of 45.
Ooh, Merde, I've got to run.
I've got two minutes
to get the Koons
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