My Best Friend's Girl Page #2

- I'd like that.

Yeah, I'd like that too. All right.

I'm so glad you called. All right, bye.

Told you.

I just show them the difference...

...between what's in the hand

and what's in the bush.

You have mastered

the female psyche.

To get them to run,

I make them think that I'm sh*t.

To get them to come,

I make them think they're sh*t.

Either way, you're the a**hole.

It's what I do.

Sorry.

All right.

Look at you, all white and thin.

I bet if I laid you on this bar,

she could snort you.

Listen, beauty queen.

I know people are concerned about

you because you're dangerously thin.

But I'm not one of those people.

Yet I am concerned.

That you've had too many drinks...

...and your fingers are in this bowl

like it's one of your sorority sisters.

These pretzeled devils,

far from complimentary.

I mean, baby,

get your head in the game.

Nothing tastes as good

as looking good.

- That is just...

- Excuse me.

Are you psycho? I mean,

how can you even begin to talk to...?

Easy, Urlacher.

Ever notice it's the linebackers

concerned with people not eating?

If the p*ssy police here would

stop ordering her fries tempura...

I just had a child.

Congratulations.

I'm sure he was probably delicious.

Looks like you

downed the whole thing.

You're an a**hole.

- You really are an a**hole.

- Then walk away.

- Let me just go get my purse, okay?

- Get cigarettes.

- Let's go.

- Okay.

Take me. Take me to your house.

Take me right now to your house.

- Hey, guy.

- Tank, hey. Tank, this is Renee.

- Yeah. Come here.

- Renee, Tank.

- Hey, okay. Two seconds.

- Talk to me for a second.

- Yeah, I'll talk to you all night.

- All right.

Didn't I just save your ass?

I just cleaned up your bed...

...and you're shitting in it again, okay?

Aren't you getting f***ing married?

I am getting married...

...but not tonight.

- Renee. Renee, there she is.

- Josh.

There she is. She's all mine.

I have to work tomorrow.

Everybody's gotta work tomorrow.

It's Tuesday.

Good one.

I have a strict no-sleepover policy.

Yeah.

Come on, Tank, it's almost 5.

For some people that's not tonight,

it's tomorrow.

I hate those people.

Sh*t.

Dustin? Yeah, five minutes is fine.

Okay, bye.

- Dude. What the sh*t?

- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I told you this was happening. As

of now, I'm training for the marathon.

Goal:
Run, don't walk. Nothing wrong

with a little bit of discipline.

By the way, you should try it.

You need discipline

like I need to miss my period.

Seriously, you're already, like...

...a crazy, insane, OCD alpha-dog...

...cyborg crazy creature.

You mean, I have a job?

And now you're gonna wake me up

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