Moscow On The Hudson Page #2

You're not a dissident.

You're not Sakharov or Shcharansky.

Our leaders are only good for parades.

And they don't have any balls.

I've never seen the balls of our leaders.

Oh, you'll see them. In the next revolution.

They'll hang the balls of our leaders

on the walls of a museum.

Good morning, Vladimir Ivanoff.

I have done nothing.

Perhaps.

Nicholai Ivanoff is your grandfather?

Of course.

Your neighbors say he yells

anti-Soviet slogans out of the window.

He's an old man.

Makes rude gestures at people

doing their socialist duties.

He is a comedian. He likes mischief.

Perhaps he is senile

and should go to a mental hospital.

He is a war hero.

Please, I will talk to him.

It might be wiser for you

not to use the apartment...

... of your friend, Anatoly Cherkasov,

for your sexual encounters.

I have done nothing wrong.

Good. It might go well

for your grandfather...

... if you kept your eyes on Cherkasov.

He is only a clown.

Yes, but perhaps he wants

to clown his way out of the Soviet Union.

Goodbye, Vladimir Ivanoff.

Also, those f***ing shoes are killing me.

Vladimir, one day I'll perform on Broadway.

It will be a big sign:

"Anatoly Cherkasov

and Barbara Streisand."

America is magnificent.

They say it is customary to take towels.

Look, a giant prophylactic. It fits me.

Please speak English.

You promised. I must practice.

- Okay, mister.

- Thank you very much.

This television is a piece of crap,

just like in Russia.

My father will love this.

It must be smooth like velvet.

Stop thinking of your ass

and think about your soul.

Don't play game with me, okay, pal?

Do you want to know why I am lucky

to share room with you, polodurak?

Because they want me to spy on you.

I sh*t on them!

Maybe this decadence attempt to lure us.

Then they have succeeded.

- What a country.

- What a country.

I really do want to go to Leningrad.

Tell me, do you like Barbara Streisand?

Yeah, she's wonderful.

Waiter, I'll have a Black Russian.

- Is something the matter?

- No, I am happy here be.

- Your English is excellent.

- So is your.

Veronica Cohen.

I teach Marxism at Columbia University.

Vladimir Ivanoff.

I am musician with circus.

Yes, I know.

You don't look like a Marxist.

I'm not. I'm a humanist.

What does a Marxist look like?

Usually has beard, moustache.

- The women, too?

- In Russia, especially women.

Excuse me. I am happy to talk to you,

but I must now to make toilet.

What about your president?

He was an actor before, just like us.

What about credibility with him?

I know what I will do.

Tomorrow, during the opening parade,

in my bicycle routine, I'll do it.

- I will defect.

- Good. They throw you right to bear.

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