Monkey Business Page #2

---

Now, Columbus sailed from Spain to India

looking for a shortcut.

You mean strawberry shortcut.

I don't know.

When I woke up,

there was the nurse taking care of me.

What's the matter?

Couldn't the nurse take care of herself?

You bet she could,

but I found it out too late. Enough of this.

Let's get back to Columbus.

- I'd rather get back to the nurse.

- So would I.

But Columbus was sailing along

on his vessel.

- On his what?

- Not on his what. On his vessel.

- Don't you know what "vessel" is?

- Sure. I can vessel.

[Chico whistling lively tune]

Do you suppose I could buy back

my introduction to you?

Now, one night Columbus' sailors

started a mutiny.

No mutinies at night.

They're in the afternoon.

You know, mutinies Wednesdays

and Saturdays.

There's my argument. Restrict immigration.

[Gibson talking indistinctly]

All right.

Of all the colossal impudence!

Why don't you stand up?

Can't you see he has no chair?

- Why, you...

- You better keep quiet.

We're a couple of big stockholders

in this company.

Stockholders?

You look like a couple of stowaways to me.

Don't forget that the stockholder

of yesteryear is the stowaway of today.

Well, you look exactly like them.

What do they look like?

One of them goes around

with a black moustache.

So do I. If I had my choice,

I'd go around with a little blonde.

I said one goes around

with a black moustache.

You couldn't expect a moustache

to go around by itself.

Don't you think a moustache

ever gets lonely, Captain?

CHICO:
Sure, it gets lonely.

When my grandfather's beard gets here,

I'd like it to meet your moustache.

I'll think it over.

I'll talk it over with my moustache.

Has your grandfather's beard

got any money?

- Money? Why, it fell hair to a fortune.

- Now, listen!

Stockholders or no stockholders,

you clear out of here!

[Knock on door]

CHICO:
There's someone in that room.

GROUCHO:
There's somebody in that closet,

and I think it's you, Captain.

- Now, we can eat in peace.

- All right. Here's a piece for you.

That a baby.

[Knock on door]

- Beg pardon, Captain.

- How dare you enter the captain's quarters...

- while I'm eating.

- Sorry, sir.

[Knocking on door]

[Groucho guffaws]

Now I've got you!

Don't forget the butter.

[Slow, romantic instrumental music]

You know, there's some

mighty pretty country around here.

- I've...

- I beg your pardon.

[Zeppo whistling softly]

- Pardon me. Is this yours?

- Why, no.

- You sure?

- I'm positive.

- Is this yours?

- Yes, it is.

As I was saying, there's some

mighty beautiful country around here.

- The trees are lovely.

- You bet they are. I love them.

[Puppets chattering]

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes