MoDeRn WaRfArE 3: kItTy StOmPeRs Page #2

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SERGEANT BURNS:

Hey, you're being voiced by the same guy who did both Gaz and Ghost. And they both died in the previous games.

SERGEANT WALLCROFT

What can I say? The developers must love that guy or get him really cheap.

GAZ:

Bloody wankers, You thought I died?

SERGEANT WALLCROFT

What kind of name is Gaz anyway? Where the f*** are you anyway?

GAZ:

In your mother.

The SAS troops engage a group of TERRORISTS, who ESCAPE onto a LONDON UNDERGROUND TRAIN.

SERGEANT WALLCROFT

Come on, after them!

SERGEANT BURNS:

Weren't we looking out for a truck?

SERGEANT WALLCROFT

Yes, but we'll get to that! We're shamelessly referencing the 2005 London bombings if it kills us!

This does in fact KILL ALMOST ALL OF THE SAS TROOPS. SERGEANT WALLCROFT and SERGEANT BURNS then find the TRUCK because we can't kill off our main characters yet.

SERGEANT WALLCROFT

It's empty! This truck was a decoy!

SERGEANT BURNS:

And the plot thins!

SERGEANT WALLCROFT

That's Gaz's line.

EXT. BIG BEN - LONDON

The VIEWPOINT shifts to an AMERICAN FAMILY on VACATION in LONDON.

FATHER:

Yes, I decided that World War 3 is the perfect time to take my wife and child on a vacation. Hey honey, why don't you skip around all innocently?

DAUGHTER:

F*** you, dad. I'm a child in a videogame. That can only mean that I'm going to be horribly killed to infuse the story with drama.

FATHER:

Seriously, how much more drama do we need? There's a senseless war being fought as we speak. Your death would only serve to underline the obvious.

The ACTUAL TRUCK drives up and BLOWS THE F*** UP, killing the entire FAMILY.

VLADIMIR MAKAROV

TERRORISM! I LOVE DEATH!

EXT. SUBURB - HAMBURG

SANDMAN and FROST are headed for HAMBURG.

SANDMAN:

Russian forces have captured the Vice President, who was in Hamburg for the peace summit.

FROST:

Great, one of the most vital motherfucking treaties in history and the United States doesn't consider it worthy of the actual President.

SANDMAN:

To be fair, this whole treaty is basically one big joke. The Russian army is attacking our delegation. Who do you think they're taking orders from?

FROST:

The developers and writers, Paul Haggis can go suck my dick.

They land on a BEACH and engage the RUSSIAN FORCES.

FROST:

So here's us Americans storming a beachhead under heavy automatic fire to stop a superpower from attempting to annex Europe. Are you sure this is World War 3? It feels more like World War 2.1.

SANDMAN:

I dunno, I'm just a f***er named after that villain in that Spider-Man movie with the black guy.

FROST:

Which one?

SANDMAN:

I dunno.

FROST:

I liked TASM2.

SANDMAN:

What the f*** is TASM2?

Eventually, they RESCUE the VICE PRESIDENT.

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