Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous Page #3

Year:
2005
1,102 Views


You gotta make a choice.

Sit at a desk pushing papers...

...or be out there

boosting the Bureau's image?

Look, when you make up your mind,

let me know.

Rachel, did those transfer papers

for Matthews come through?

On your desk, sir.

Sir, is Agent Matthews

going someplace?

Miami.

He's gonna be assistant SAC.

Going to the top, that boy.

Sir.

Sorry.

You know, I'll meet whoever

you want me to meet.

Good.

Oh, I hope she's not a fatty.

Joel Myers, Gracie Hart.

Oh, yes.

Yes.

I can work with this.

You will be my Mona Lisa,

my Sistine Chapel.

- I will find the sculpture in the stone.

- Slow down, da Vinci.

How do you feel about a pushup bra?

How do you feel about

a genital-shocking taser gun?

I'm open to it.

Okay.

Are you open to new experiences,

like becoming the face of the FBI?

- I did the pageant, I can do this.

- That was three days. This is your life.

That was teaching a dog

a few new tricks.

This is teaching a dog

to become a butterfly.

Not that you're a dog.

They generally have smoother hair.

Look, just... You know, just tell me

what you want me to do, and I'll do it.

- Rule number one, no hitting.

- What?

The face of the FBI uses her words,

not her fists or a chair.

Rule number two,

chew with your mouth closed.

- You don't know how I eat.

- You have ketchup stains all over you.

How did they get there

if they didn't fall from an open orifice?

I don't know.

Maybe I walked under a ketchup tree.

Rule number three, no snorting.

Why don't you just take the list.

And I truly believe you are capable

of great class and style.

And, may I say, I also recently

went through a breakup.

I didn't go through a breakup.

Puffy eyes, no sleep, irritable.

And some of the other agents

told me about it.

But believe me, you do as I say,

and you will make him regret it...

...because people care about people

who care about themselves.

- So it's all in here?

- No, it's all in here.

America wants a star.

So you have to become a star.

You have to dress and treat

your friends like you're a star.

You have to treat yourself like a star.

Before you...

I know, I know. I'm a big star!

Our next guest was the runner-up

at last year's Miss United States pageant.

We found out

she was actually an FBI agent...

...on a mission to thwart an attack

on the pageant.

You can read about it

in her new book...

...From Misdemeanors

to Miss Congeniality.

Here's Agent Gracie Hart.

- Hi, Gracie.

- Regis. Good to see you.

- Joy.

- How are you?

- What a great suit.

- Thank you, and you look fabulous.

- Thank you.

- This is not how I picture an FBI agent.

You don't look anything

like J. Edgar Hoover.

Oh, really? Because this is his dress.

Rate this script:3.0 / 1 vote

Marc Lawrence

Marc Lawrence (born Max Goldsmith, February 17, 1910 – November 28, 2005) was an American character actor who specialized in underworld types. He has also been credited as F. A. Foss, Marc Laurence and Marc C. Lawrence. more…

All Marc Lawrence scripts | Marc Lawrence Scripts

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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