Miss Congeniality Page #3

Check this out.

I got the winner right here.

Scorekeepers ready?.

This is the best part.

He's right behind me, isn't he?.

Not really my color, is it?.

Sir, we were just...

...Iooking for someone

to go undercover at the pageant.

And l' m the best we have.

It doesn't inspire much confidence.

Get back to work.

-Hart, shouldn't you be at a desk?.

-Yes, sir.

You don't say anything?.

Made me look like an idiot.

Do I have eyes in the back of my head?.

-He was standing right behind me.

-What were we gonna say?.

-What?.

-This one.

Are you kidding?. It's Hart.

Cut it off. Let's go back to work.

Very funny.

Hold on. That's not bad.

Hold on, nothing. Hit the save button

because you won't see that again.

-What do you say?.

-No freaking way.

Why not?.

I won't parade around in a swimsuit

like some bimbo...

... named Gracie Lou Freebush,

and all she wants is world peace.

It wouldn't be like that.

You'd be on the undercover team.

Right. In a thong.

In a tasteful one-piece!

You do a few butt-shaping exercises...

...you could pull this off.

You know what?. Pull this off.

Is it because McDonald hates me?

Or is it, like, a woman thing?.

Don't kid yourself.

Nobody thinks of you that way.

He's punishing me, isn't he?.

I had to beg him to let you do this.

That's right. Like it or not,

you screwed up, pal.

Sit down, sit down.

I've never been in a beauty pageant.

I don't even own a dress.

I don't even own a brush.

Which part of that

is supposed to shock me?.

Let's suspend reality for a second...

...and pretend I said yes.

I got to do everything?. Like...

...the whole big hair

and the makeup and--

Damn right.

The spinning, the twirling, the

smiling, the cute little tap number.

Hundred bucks on Matthews.

I don't know. She's got rage.

I'll take that bet.

Yeah, baby.

So you' re saying...

... I have to wear the bathing suit?.

Yeah, you have

to wear the bathing suit.

Okay.

You go, girl.

Where am I gonna put my gun?.

No place I want to know about.

What could possibly motivate anybody

to enter a beauty pageant?.

Scholarship money,

a chance to see the world...

... broaden your horizons--

So join the Marines. It's like

feminism never even happened.

Any woman that does this is catering

to misogynistic Neanderthal mentality.

I dated Young Miss Scarsdale.

Can you really be this superficial?.

Hard to believe, right?.

Here we are.

Therefore, we'd like to use

one of our team undercover.

Am I hearing this correctly?.

IKathy, these people want

to put one of their agents...

...in the pageant.

They want her to win?

No, ma'am.

We will need your help

with the judging...

...so our agent is in the top five...

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