Meet The Spartans Page #2
(woman sings slow,
exotic, ethereal theme)
(wind whistling softly)
##
Tell Xerxes...
(passionate moaning)
...to take his proposal...
and shove it!
What the hell?!
What? He came on to me!
I did not.
Dawg, your wife's a ho.
This means war!
Hey, hey, hey, it's cool, it's cool.
Uh, we got San Francisco...
and West Hollywood.
We don't need Sparta.
(chuckles)
I'll just tell Xerxes
it's a "no go."
(chuckles)
Kick his ass in.
This is madness!
Madness?
This is Sparta!
Why did you do that?
He was backing down.
(yells)
My lord, he will
tell Xerxes that Sparta...
is not for them,
so, whatever you do...
don't kick him
into the pit of death.
Stop kicking people
into the pit of death. Really!
WOMAN:
# Oh, no #
# Oh, yeah #
# Uh-huh, yeah. #
I don't know why y'all...
have to always get on
my back for everything.
I'm a responsible adult.
Look at me-
I'm booby-feeding my baby.
Sometimes I like to
give him fried milk.
I call 'em milk poppers.
It's just like breast milk,
but it's fried.
And you just pop 'em in your mouth.
He loves 'em.
Don't you, baby!
# Goo-goo, gah-gah #
# Gah-gah, gah-gah-gah-gah. #
(raspy panting)
I'm a smart shopper.
an alleyway from a Mexico woman.
# Bargain #
# Shopping #
#Yeah. #
Why do y'all think I'm messed up?
Sh*t! Do I look crazy to you?
(echoing):
Oh...my God!
Aw, damn, cuz!
There goes my palimony!
K-Fed ain't havin' it, yo.
K-Fed, come back to me, please!
Please? I'll let you under my skirt.
There goes K-Fed's cheddar, yo.
(screaming)
MAN:
# Oh, yeah! #
#Ah-ah-ah, yeah! #
(singing off-key):
# Ooh-ooh-ooh! #
(screeching):
#Yeah! #
(sobbing)
#Yeah! #
(shrieks)
# I'm not gay! #
(groans)
Leonidas.
Ryan Seacrest?
How did you feel about that kick?
Let's see what the judges
have to say.
- Randy?
- Yo, Leo, dawg, man...
I, I wasn't really feelin' you
on that kick, dawg.
I don't know what happened, man.
It was just
all right for me, dawg.
- I mean, just all right, dawg.
- Paula?
Leonidas...
you...
move me.
(voice breaking):
Y-
I don't-
Simon?
Leonidas...
I thought the kick...
was utterly... dreadful.
Oh... Simon-
In fact, I've seen better kicks...
from a geriatric donkey.
Oh- (sputters)
And I'm not talking
about you, Paula.
I am sorry, King...
but your journey ends here.
Oh, go (bleep) yourselves!
- What are y?
- (judges screaming)
(screams echoing)
(sniveling)
(whimpering)
(echoing):
Seacrest out!Excellent work, my king.
It's time to consult
with the prophets.
(sighs)
(screams echoing)
NARRATOR:
The ancient prophets were advisers to the king.
Grotesque swine, their consult
came with a bribe.
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"Meet The Spartans" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 28 Mar. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/meet_the_spartans_13594>.
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