Meet The Spartans Page #2

Synopsis: The heroic Spartan king Leonidas, armed with nothing but leather underwear and a cape, leads a ragtag bunch of 13 Spartan misfit warriors to defend their homeland against thousands of invading Persians whom include the Ghost Rider, Rocky Balboa, the Autobots, and an ugly hunchbacked Paris Hilton and a shaved-head Brittany Spears.
Genre: Comedy
Production: 20th Century Fox
  6 nominations.
 
IMDB:
2.7
Metacritic:
9
Rotten Tomatoes:
2%
PG-13
Year:
2008
86 min
$38,200,000
Website
1,291 Views


(woman sings slow,

exotic, ethereal theme)

(wind whistling softly)

##

Tell Xerxes...

(passionate moaning)

...to take his proposal...

and shove it!

What the hell?!

What? He came on to me!

I did not.

Dawg, your wife's a ho.

This means war!

Hey, hey, hey, it's cool, it's cool.

Uh, we got San Francisco...

and West Hollywood.

We don't need Sparta.

(chuckles)

I'll just tell Xerxes

it's a "no go."

(chuckles)

Kick his ass in.

This is madness!

Madness?

This is Sparta!

Why did you do that?

He was backing down.

(yells)

My lord, he will

tell Xerxes that Sparta...

is not for them,

so, whatever you do...

don't kick him

into the pit of death.

Stop kicking people

into the pit of death. Really!

WOMAN:

# Oh, no #

# Oh, yeah #

# Uh-huh, yeah. #

I don't know why y'all...

have to always get on

my back for everything.

I'm a responsible adult.

Look at me-

I'm booby-feeding my baby.

Sometimes I like to

give him fried milk.

I call 'em milk poppers.

It's just like breast milk,

but it's fried.

And you just pop 'em in your mouth.

He loves 'em.

Don't you, baby!

# Goo-goo, gah-gah #

# Gah-gah, gah-gah-gah-gah. #

(raspy panting)

I'm a smart shopper.

I got this entire outfit in

an alleyway from a Mexico woman.

# Bargain #

# Shopping #

#Yeah. #

Why do y'all think I'm messed up?

Sh*t! Do I look crazy to you?

(echoing):
Oh...

my God!

Aw, damn, cuz!

There goes my palimony!

K-Fed ain't havin' it, yo.

K-Fed, come back to me, please!

Please? I'll let you under my skirt.

There goes K-Fed's cheddar, yo.

(screaming)

MAN:

# Oh, yeah! #

#Ah-ah-ah, yeah! #

(singing off-key):

# Ooh-ooh-ooh! #

(screeching):

#Yeah! #

(sobbing)

#Yeah! #

(shrieks)

# I'm not gay! #

(groans)

Leonidas.

Ryan Seacrest?

How did you feel about that kick?

Let's see what the judges

have to say.

- Randy?

- Yo, Leo, dawg, man...

I, I wasn't really feelin' you

on that kick, dawg.

I don't know what happened, man.

It was just

all right for me, dawg.

- I mean, just all right, dawg.

- Paula?

Leonidas...

you...

move me.

(voice breaking):

Y-

I don't-

Simon?

Leonidas...

I thought the kick...

was utterly... dreadful.

Oh... Simon-

In fact, I've seen better kicks...

from a geriatric donkey.

Oh- (sputters)

And I'm not talking

about you, Paula.

I am sorry, King...

but your journey ends here.

Oh, go (bleep) yourselves!

- What are y?

- (judges screaming)

(screams echoing)

(sniveling)

(whimpering)

(echoing):
Seacrest out!

Excellent work, my king.

It's time to consult

with the prophets.

(sighs)

(screams echoing)

NARRATOR:

The ancient prophets were advisers to the king.

Grotesque swine, their consult

came with a bribe.

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Jason Friedberg

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "Meet The Spartans" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 28 Mar. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/meet_the_spartans_13594>.

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