Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God

with himself for all I know,

but I couldn't see.

I remember one afternoon

I went to Murphy's office

and he closed the door

and he told me to take off my pants.

And I said,

"Take off my pants?"

I was shocked. And I thought,

"Why would I have to do that?"

And I was looking at this man

in a black suit, the white-collar,

and I thought to myself, "He's a

priest and I'm supposed to obey him."

So I took my pants down

and he molested me.

I felt sick and confused.

"Why would a priest

do that to me?

"Is this supposed to be OK? Did I do

something wrong?" I didn't know.

After it happened,

I just left.

And I just kept it to myself.

Later on,

Father Murphy decided

that confessional would be

on the second floor, in the closet.

I confessed my sins.

I was forgiven and blessed,

and then I was touched.

I started sweating like crazy..

..so nervous.

I just feel myself shaking

Just kept thinking:

Enough! Enough!

When father murphy stopped,

I went to bed right away.

And I was just sick,

I was just sick.

And I lied in bed,

under the covers

and I felt absolutely disgusted.

I was a monk,

I was a very pious monk.

I folded my hands, kept my eyes

down, did my studies.

I lived in the system.

Richard Sipe spent 18 years

as a Benedictine monk.

He was also a therapist

counselling his fellow priests.

Sex in celibacy became central

to my research and understanding.

Sipe began what became

a 25-year study

examining celibacy

in the priesthood.

My intent was that this would help

in the training of priests.

I felt that I could

make a contribution

by being honest

about it.

The data showed

that at any one time,

no more than 50% of American Roman

Catholic priests were practicing celibacy.

There were certain levels

of experimentation,

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