Me, Myself & Irene Page #2

Charlie, that you?

Eventually,

Charlie's worst fears were realized.

l'm so sorry, Charlie.

Really, l am.

But l have to do this.

l found my soul mate.

But. . .

l thought l was your soul mate.

Come on, legs! Let's roll, baby.

l don't know what to say.

l guess the heart just wants

what the heart wants.

Bye, Charlie.

But you said you'd eat whale blubber.

She'll be eating blubber all right,

just as soon as l free willy.

lt's funny how a man reacts

when his heart gets broken.

Some break down and cry like a baby.

Others, they take out an Uzi

and climb a clock tower.

But Charlie Baileygates

didn't seem to react at all.

He just swallowed hard, felt that slab of

heartache slide over the lump in his throat

and he locked it all away.

As you can imagine,

it wasn't easy for little Jamaal,

Lee Harvey and Shont Junior

growing up without a mom.

But Charlie made that little house

into a big old home,

and the boys flourished.

Let me tell you, they were smart ones.

-What are you building, fellas?

-An airplane, Daddy.

Bye-bye!

Bye, Daddy! Have a good time at work.

Love you, Daddy!

No! Hey, stop it!

Get. . . Jamaal, you're in a lot of trouble!

Get off that! Don't you take off in that!

How many seas must a white. . .

Shont Junior, how can you keep

eating that crap and never gain weight?

l don't know. Just lucky, l guess.

-How many times must the cannonballs. . .

-Do you believe his voice?

-That's Gomer Pyle!

-Before they're forever banned?

Daddy, can we watch Richard Pryor

on HBO?

Richard Pryor?

Please.

Okay.

ln Africa, though, l go out in the country.

You see some lions and sh*t.

l'm talkin' about real lions.

Not them kind

you be f***in' with in the zoo.

You know how you go f*** with a lion?

"Hey, lion ! Motherf***er!"

Be throwin' sh*t at it. Lion'd be "Oh, ooh."

As they have a way of doing,

the years passed somewhat regularly.

And the boys, well,

they came into their own.

. . .toss my salad !

The guy's like "Toss my salad?

What's that?"

Having your salad tossed means having

your a**hole eaten out with jelly or syrup.

l prefer syrup.

He's a funny motherf***er!

Although Charlie's police work had started

to suffer, the kids were doing great.

Damn ! l can't figure out the atomic mass

of this motherfuckin' deuteron.

Sh*t. Man, that sh*t's simple. Lookit.

-Tell me this, tell me this.

-What?

What's a deuteron made up of?

Duh ! A proton and a neutron.

Then what's this motherfuckin' electron

doin' right there?

-Sh*t, l don't know.

-Well, get it out of there then !

OK, so you're sayin'

l add up the atomic masses

of the proton and the neutron, right?

l sees that, but what do l do with

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