Maz Jobrani: Brown and Friendly Page #2

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WE'VE HAD IT TOUGH

THE PAST 30, 40 YEARS

IN AMERICA, HAD IT TOUGH.

SO ANYTIME ANY MIDDLE EASTERN

OR ANY PERSIAN DUDE

OR ANYONE CLOSE TO BEING PERSIAN

DOES ANYTHING GOOD,

MY MOM'S FRIEND

ALWAYS TELLS ME ABOUT IT.

MY MOM'S FRIEND ALWAYS,

"MAZ, MAZ."

ANDRE AGASSI -- IRANIAN."

"'AKASSI', 'AKASSI' --

KA, KA, KA, KA, KA, KA, KA.

IRANIAN NAME -- KA, KA, KA, KA.

IS NOT 'AGUH, GUH, GUH, GUH.

NO -- KA, KA, KA, KA, KA.

IRANIAN.

IRANIAN TENNIS CHAMPION.

IRANIAN."

ANYTHING. SHE GOES, "MAZ, MAZ.

FREDDIE MERCURY OF THE QUEEN --

IRANIAN."

I WAS LIKE, "FREDDIE MERCURY?"

"YEAH, HIS REAL NAME

IS 'FEREDUN MERKHURI.'"

"IRANIAN."

I WAS LIKE, "OKAY."

AND THEN SHE STARTED

MAKING STUFF UP.

SHE GOES, "MAZ, TOM CRUISE --

IRANIAN!"

I WAS LIKE,

"TOM CRUISE IS NOT IRA--"

"HE'S IRAN-- I KNOW

HIS MOTHER'S SISTER'S AUNT.

I KNOW THEM.

HIS REAL NAME:

IS 'TAMOR KHURUZ.'"

"'KHURUZ' MEANS

'ROOSTER' IN FARSI.

HE WANT TO WIN ACADEMY AWARD --

CHANGE HIS NAME!

IRANIAN!"

OH, MAN.

WE'LL TAKE WHAT WE CAN GET, MAN.

'CAUSE IT'S BEEN TOUGH.

IT'S BEEN TOUGH.

FOR A WHILE, IT WAS BAD.

FOR A WHILE IT LOOKED LIKE IRAN

WAS NEXT, FOR A WHILE.

LOOKED LIKE:

THE BUSH ADMINISTRATION

WAS ATTACKING COUNTRIES

ALPHABETICALLY IN REVERSE ORDER.

WASN'T LOOKING GOOD.

BUT NOW WE GOT OBAMA.

NOW WE GOT OBAMA,

SO THAT'S COOL.

WE GOT OBAMA NOW.

WE GOT OBAMA, YEAH.

YEAH.

I DON'T KNOW IF YOU HEARD,

BUT THE PRESIDENT OF IRAN

ACTUALLY SEN A CONGRATULATORY LETTER

TO BARACK OBAMA:

WHEN HE WON THE PRESIDENCY.

SENT HIM A CONGRATU--

AND I GOT A FRIEND OF MINE

WHO ACTUALLY HAS

SOME CONNECTIONS,

AND HE KNOWS:

WHAT WAS IN THE LETTER.

HE TOLD ME.

YEAH, HE DID. HE TOLD ME.

BASICALLY, THE PRESIDENT OF IRAN

WROTE THE LETTER.

YOU KNOW, "DEAR BARACK,

CONGRATULATION.

YOUR MIDDLE NAME IS HUSSEIN.

I HAVE A COUSIN NAMED HUSSEIN.

WE SHOULD BE FRIENDS

ON FACEBOOK."

"BARACK, I WANT TO POKE YOU."

SWEAR TO GOD,

THAT'S WHAT IT SAID.

SWEAR TO GOD. SWEAR...

THAT'S A FACEBOOK TERM, IN CASE

ANY IRANIANS ARE GONNA...

ALL RIGHT?

YOU HAVE A PROBLEM,

CONTACT FACEBOOK, NOT ME.

"WHY YOU SAY 'POKE'?

WHAT IS THAT, MAZ? WHAT IS IT?"

IRAN -- YOU KNOW,

I WAS WORRIED FOR IRAN

WHEN WE WENT TO WAR WITH IRAQ.

BECAUSE "IRAQ"

SOUNDS A LOT LIKE "IRAN,"

AND I WAS WORRIED --

IF THERE WAS ONE PRESIDEN WHO WAS GONNA MESS IT UP

AND BOMB THE WRONG COUNTRY --

GEORGE BUSH, GEORGE BUSH.

NOT TOO GOOD WITH THE ALPHABET.

I ACTUALLY SAW AN INTERVIEW

WITH CONDOLEEZZA RICE

BEFORE THE IRAQ WAR ON CNN,

AND I SWEAR TO GOD, SHE SAID,

"YES, WE ARE GONNA BOMB IRAN --

I MEAN, IRAQ."

SHE DID IT LIKE THAT,

LIKE THE CARTOON.

SHE'S LIKE, "BR-BR-BR-BR-BR!"

I WAS WATCHING AT HOME,

I'M LIKE, "YOU CAN'T MESS IT UP!

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