Mary And Max Page #3
I invented the recipe for them
and can send it to you.
When I was young, I invented
an invisible friend called Mr Ravioli.
My psychiatrist says
I don't need him anymore
so he just sits in the corner and reads.
Last week I picked up
People are always littering in New York.
I do not understand
Butts are bad
because they wash out to sea
and fish smoke them
and become nicotine dependent.
I am just joking because, of course,
it is impossible for a cigarette
to remain lit underwater.
Also, fish do not have pockets
to keep cigarette lighters in.
I am 44 years old
and have 8 tracksuits
the same colour and size.
I weigh 352 lb...
Ooooh!
..and am as tall as a 6-foot tree.
Welcome to the New York Lottery!
and have chosen the same numbers
for 9 years.
Those numbers are 3...
(7.
And 12.
Are you a winner?
Or a loser?
I have had many different jobs
during my life.
My first job was collecting
subway tokens in the subway.
My second job was at Yiddel's
Gourmet Kosher Supplies
where I worked at the machine that made
pre-packaged noodle kugels.
I was born Jewish
and used to believe in God
but I've since read many books
that have proven God
is just a figment of my imagination.
People like to believe in God because
it answers complicated questions
Iike where did the universe come from,
do worms go to heaven...
do worms go to heaven...
..and why do old ladies have blue hair?
Even though I'm an atheist,
I still wear my yarmulke
My third job was for a company
that printed logos on novelty items.
I worked at the frisbee printing machine.
A frisbee is a circular plastic disc
that people throw at each other.
It is like a boomerang
but it does not come back.
My fourth job was when
I was called up for jury duty.
I didn't get paid much
but got free cookies and coffee.
Jurors are outstanding members
of the community
who haven't murdered anybody.
I made it to the short list
killed all his friends
at his own surprise birthday party.
Unfortunately, I didn't get selected
because they found out
I'd been a mental patient at one point.
Have you ever been hang gliding?
My fifth job was as a garbage collector.
I got to clean up after litterbugs
and didn't have to talk to anybody.
Sometimes I used to pretend
I was an intergalactical robot.
This is 911.
Your call has been placed in a queue.
One time the police took me in
for questioning
but let me go when they decided
I wasn't a threat to anybody
except myself.
The sixth job I had
was for the United States Army
in the stationery supply department.
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"Mary And Max" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 29 Mar. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/mary_and_max_13437>.
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