Mark and Russell's Wild Ride Page #2

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he wasn't even in the car."

Honey, you can't shop for driving

instructors on the internet

like printer cartridges.

Check this out.

Favorite movie:

Whatever you're watching.

Political views:

Whoever you're into.

Religion:

Don't wanna offend anyone.

This guy clearly just

wants to be liked.

It's a virtual lock.

He is the Heimlich maneuver

for my choking.

And all it takes is

a 51-mile drive to the DMV.

Oh, yeah.

Who's with me?

Son, you need to take

a step back.

Quite frankly, your mother

and I are worried

that you may be on the verge

of a mental breakdown.

I'm beggin' you.

What could be more important than the hopes

and dreams of your precious baby boy?

Uh, an all-day flea market,

that's what.

Over ten acres of bargains.

Mm-hmm. And they've

got churros.

This is a once-in-a-lifetime

opportunity.

He's all booked up.

It needs to be tomorrow.

Now, Mark, this is

the exact opposite way

of getting me

to agree with you.

I know it is. I just...

I don't think

that you're grasping

the Ashley Pinafore of it all.

Pinafore Schminafore.

Now you listen to me.

You are the coolest cat

in this household.

If your friends don't

know that by now,

the heck with them.

It's their loss.

Your mom can drive you

to the party.

I'll even make my noodle salad.

Oh, we can invite Ashley over

to play Crazy Eights after.

Fun!

( laughing )

And that's why Mark

sucked his thumb till he was 12.

Don't forget your nose plugs.

( Shrieking )

( cell phone rings )

RUSSELL:
You okay, pal?

I thought I heard

someone screaming.

- I'm fine.

- Are you sure?

'Cause it was high-pitched.

Like a really feminine

howler monkey.

I'm fine.

Are you?

Why aren't you wearing

your night guard?

I should probably come over.

So you're not gonna

drive a car any time soon.

So what?

There are plenty of things

you can drive without a license.

Bumper cars. Lawn mowers.

Those tiny carts

that drive old people

to their gates at the airport.

I know your heart's

in the right place, Russell,

but everything you're saying

is making me feel way worse.

You're right.

We're young, it's Saturday.

Let's get an early start

on our homework.

This was a once-in-a-lifetime

opportunity,

and I bungled it.

I bungled it!

So be a man.

Tell Ashley you lied.

You were desperate

to be around her,

so you would've said

or done anything.

Sure, 'cause girls love

a desperate, lying fraidy-cat.

Face it, Russell.

We're stuck...

with boring old regular Mark.

Unwanted, unloved,

and unable to pull the car

out of the driveway

without parental supervision.

Mark, you're scaring me.

Well, that's our future.

My neighbor Don can't

drive me to the DMV

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