Mallrats Page #2

Synopsis: Brodie Bruce, a Sega and comic book obsessed college student, and his best friend, TS Quint, are both dumped by their girlfriends on the same day, and to deal with their loss, they both go to the local mall. Along the way, they meet up with some friends, including Willam, a guy who stares at Magic Eye pictures, desprately trying to see the hidden image; Gwen, one of TS's ex-girlfriends; and Jay & Silent Bob, of Clerks fame. Eventually, they decide to try and win back their significant others, and take care of their respective nemesises (TS's girlfriend's father, and a store clerk who hates the two for not having any shopping agenda).
Genre: Comedy, Romance
Director(s): Kevin Smith
Production: MCA Universal Home Video
 
IMDB:
7.2
Metacritic:
41
Rotten Tomatoes:
55%
R
Year:
1995
94 min
2,078 Views


- Hell hath no fury...

..like a woman scorned for a Sega.

Wow, look at this

laundry list of complaints.

You have no direction,

no college ambition, no job prospects...

It also says I have no dick.

But that follows the financial question,...

..proving again what women really look for.

- Wow, she calls you ''callow'' in here.

- You say that like it's bad.

- It means frightened and weak-willed.

- Really?

Sh*t. That was the only part

of the letter I thought was complimentary.

Ah, well, you're lucky.

Unlike you, I didn't even get

a letter filled with obscure adjectives.

- What are you telling me here?

- I too, now, am in the framing business.

Holy sh*t! Brandi dumped you.

- Aren't you supposed to go to Florida?

- Yeah. Shoulda left this morning.

I was gonna propose to her.

- Where?

- 0n the Universal tour.

You're kidding! What part?

- When Jaws pops out of the water.

That's the most romantic thing

I've ever heard.

Too bad I'm not tryin' to marry you.

Let me ask you something.

Did you ever fart in front of her?

- Why do you ask?

- I never once farted in front of Rene.

Then last week, I let one slip.

Today she dumps me.

You think that that's why Rene dumped

you? She's not the shallow type, Brodie.

- She was goin' down on me.

- Shut up!

What? What can I say?

I was feeling very relaxed.

When I'm relaxed, I squirt.

If all she did was dump you,

you got off light.

I can't believe this sh*t. Why are we here

tryin' to figure out where we went wrong?

- We just nailed it in your case.

- No, there is something...

..that can help ease our double loss.

- Ritual suicide.

- No, you idiot, the f***in' mall!

- I prefer ritual suicide.

- Come on, it'll be great.

They got these new cookies

at the cookie stand. They're awesome.

I love the smell of commerce

in the morning!

- You're really makin' that last.

- Waste not, want not.

- You wanna say something?

- A million things!

But I can't express myself monosyllabically

enough for you to understand 'em all.

- A**hole.

- Prick.

- What was that all about?

- That's the jerk from Fashionable Male,...

..this wannabe shop on the second floor.

He's the manager. The guy's always

givin' me sh*t. I have no idea why.

- I thought everybody loved you here.

- Eff him.

- Where do you wanna go first?

- Back to Brandi's.

Look, Brandi is the past, my friend.

She's behind you now.

You face forward, or you face

the possibility of shock and damage.

- You should heed your own advice.

- Where the hell did that come from?

Looks like a stage is being erected.

- What is this monstrosity?

- Is it the Easter Bunny pictures?

Impossible! That's at

the other end of the mall.

Rate this script:3.0 / 2 votes

Kevin Smith

Kevin Patrick Smith (born August 2, 1970) is an American filmmaker, actor, comedian, public speaker, comic book writer, author, and podcaster. He came to prominence with the low-budget comedy Clerks (1994), which he wrote, directed, co-produced, and acted in as the character Silent Bob of stoner duo "Jay & Silent Bob". Jay and Silent Bob have appeared in Smith's follow-up films Mallrats, Chasing Amy, Dogma, and Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back which were mostly all set in his home state of New Jersey. While not strictly sequential, the films frequently featured crossover plot elements, character references, and a shared canon described by fans as the "View Askewniverse", named after his production company View Askew Productions, which he co-founded with Scott Mosier. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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